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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26209312">never doubt;</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty'>unintentionallyangsty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Thor: Ragnarok (2017) - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Obviously), (eventually) - Freeform, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Brodinsons, Brother Feels, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Chaptered, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Family Issues, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hugs, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Men Crying, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), Protective Thor (Marvel), Revengers, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:28:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26209312</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintentionallyangsty/pseuds/unintentionallyangsty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Months into their voyage on the <i>Statesman</i>, Thor is forced to come to the realization that he has not verbally conveyed his love for his brother as often or as recently as he had previously believed. </p><p>Determining to do something about this himself, Thor ventures to share the sentiment with Loki as often as possible, and at any given point in time, to outcomes of varying enthusiasm (and/or outright disgust). </p><p>(Alternatively; 5 times Thor tells Loki that he loves him, and (+1) time Loki says it back). </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner &amp; Thor, Brunnhilde | Valkyrie &amp; Loki (Marvel), Brunnhilde | Valkyrie &amp; Thor (Marvel), Loki &amp; Thor, Loki &amp; Thor (Marvel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>495</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. "I hate you," "I love you."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i'm a bit obsessed with Revengers dynamics on the Statesman, currently. like and follow for more hot takes xoxo</p><p>(as always, i'm working without a beta, so all mistakes are my own).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been nearly two months since the harried exodus from Asgard on the Rainbow Bridge, and Thor knew well that his company was beginning to become a little...restless, was probably the best way to put it. </p><p>They were not outright antagonistic; not even Loki. Rather, everyone had remained almost perfectly civil toward each other, seeming to understand the need for patience and courtesy within their new, suddenly much smaller, living situation. </p><p>And, when one or the other was beginning to feel a bit more penned in than usual, it was typically easy to see coming, and therefore avoid the person (or topic) until the situation had blown over quietly. </p><p>This was, however, not a foolproof way of dealing with issues in totality, Thor knew from bitter experience. </p><p>And, therefore, it was no surprise that the group did tend to encounter the occasional upset, often stemming from a lack of knowledge (or simply a lack of care) of how to best respect each other’s boundaries. </p><p>The slip ups were usually small enough to be smoothed over by Bruce or, on occasion, Thor himself. However, there had been a few occasions where the mounting frustration had begun to grow a little more extreme, and more drastic measures had to be taken to ensure the safety of everyone involved. </p><p>Unsurprisingly, the Valkyrie and Loki were typically at the center of the more dramatic altercations. </p><p>It normally started as something small; Loki nagging at Valkyrie about her drinking until she was wound up enough to snap back, or Val refusing to leave Loki alone when it was clearly his wish to be so, pestering and teasing with nicknames until the latter reached a breaking point. </p><p>More often than not, these situations ended with one or both of the two pulling a dagger on the other, and Thor had made it a personal mission of his to intervene before the stabbing started. </p><p>(He had never in a thousand years thought that he might ever meet someone who favored stabbing as much as Loki himself did, but Val seemed to be doing her damndest to challenge that belief). </p><p>This particular goal was what prompted Thor to come hastening into the makeshift “Throne Room” now, a reprimand already on his tongue when he caught sight of Loki and the Valkyrie at the far end of the room, Loki’s arms firmly crossed while Val muttered something to him, leaning in so close her nose was practically brushing his chin. </p><p>“Alright!” Thor called, taking little pleasure in the way the two started guiltily and took a step back from each other when the word echoed loudly through the otherwise near-empty hall. </p><p>“Brother,” Loki breathed, when Thor had reached their side, batting his wide eyes innocently with an expression of exaggerated relief. “I would ask that you please take a moment to discuss with your friends the meaning of personal boundaries.” </p><p>Thor inhaled slowly (<em>five seconds in…</em>), and fought the urge to roll his eye. “Loki…” </p><p>“You really think he’s going to fall for that?” Val interrupted with a sneer. “When have I ever bothered you for no good reason?” </p><p>“Would you like a chronological recount?” Loki snapped. </p><p>“<em>Enough</em>.” Thor interjected firmly, when Val opened her mouth to retort. “Val, what happened?”</p><p>Val hummed, and raised both brows in Loki’s direction with a smug grin. </p><p>“You can’t be serious.” Loki declared indignantly. “You always take her side!” </p><p>“For good reason.” Val replied, sweetly. “I’m not the one known as the God of Lies, after all.” </p><p>“And I’ve never been known as the God of Babysitters, yet here I am.” Thor interrupted with a severe frown. </p><p>Val had the good graces to wince a little apologetically, though Loki merely rolled his eyes and glanced away in response. </p><p>“I caught him skulking around outside the infirmary.” Val finally informed, breaking the brief silence that had settled between them. </p><p>“I don’t skulk.” Loki cut in, arms resuming their position of being tightly crossed over his chest. </p><p>“Prowling, then.” Val replied. “Creeping. Whatever, take your pick.” </p><p>“Val,” Thor repeated, raising one brow pointedly. </p><p>“I think he was waiting to steal back some of the herbs we bought on our last supply run.” Val finished quickly, shooting Loki a dirty look.</p><p>Thor felt his brows rise to his hairline, and opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off by Loki’s indignant snort. </p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous.” the latter sneered. “If I wanted any of the herbs I would have taken them already, without you even realizing I had intended to do so.” </p><p>Thor knew from experience that what Loki said was true; if there was something his brother truly wanted, there was little that could stand between he and it. </p><p>Which, more likely than not, included one very pissed off Valkyrie. </p><p>“That’s what you think.” the Valkyrie was saying, taking a small step closer to an unimpressed looking Loki with a dark scowl. </p><p>“That’s what I know.” Loki drawled. </p><p>“Maybe you’re slipping.” Val retorted. </p><p>“<em>Alright</em>,” Thor repeated, before Loki had a chance to reply to <em>that </em>particular comment (they would have been there all afternoon, otherwise). “What makes you think he was after the herbs?” </p><p>“You could always just ask me directly.” Loki interrupted. “I am right here.” </p><p>Thor ignored him, and raised a brow encouragingly in Val’s direction, instead. </p><p>“He was in charge of their procurement, when we bought them.” Val replied with a shrug. “And knew exactly which ones to buy.” </p><p>“I trained with the healers as a child.” Loki intoned with another bored roll of his eyes. “Of course I am knowledgeable in herbology.” </p><p>Val glanced curiously up at Thor at the words, and he shrugged slightly in reply. </p><p>
“It’s true.” he finally offered.</p><p>“Still,” Val replied immediately, “I don’t like it. There’s no reason why he wouldn’t have used the trip as an excuse to purchase some extra for himself on Asgard’s coin.” </p><p>“And why would I go to the trouble of stashing it in the infirmary?” Loki snapped. </p><p>“I don’t pretend to know why you do what you do,” the Valkyrie sneered. “And I don’t intend to.” </p><p>“Loki…” Thor began wearily, taking a step forward when Loki looked ready to lunge and turning to glance at Val over his shoulder, again, before repeating, “What’s your reasoning for thinking Loki would want herbs for himself in the first place?” </p><p>Loki had never been one for heavy drinking or recreational drug use, Thor knew for a fact. </p><p>At least, never in the time he had truly known him. </p><p>And, during their sparse encounters over the past few years, Loki had never seemed overtly intoxicated at any point in time that Thor could remember. Why then medicinal herbs? To barter? To sell? Thor liked to think his brother above such petty mischief as selling medical supplies at inflated rates to a people already hurting, but… </p><p>One could never be overly certain, at any rate. </p><p>To his surprise, Loki grimaced slightly at the question, his gaze sliding over Thor’s shoulder to where Val was smirking wickedly. </p><p>“Let’s just say that the Grandmaster’s inner circle had access to a great deal of...fine herbs.” Val informed, finally, and Thor felt his stomach sink at the words. </p><p>Whatever he had expected, this was not it. The idea that Loki was smuggling medicine was one thing. The idea of him being in such heavy withdrawal that he felt the need to hide heavy drugs for himself on their ship, however? </p><p>That was another, entirely. </p><p>“I never partook in any of that pervisity.” Loki snarled, his features darkening dangerously. “As you’ll recall, I kept myself somewhat busy attempting to climb ranks, which required a rather clear head.” </p><p>“Really?” Val replied, raising both brows in feigned shock. “‘Cause you seemed to be enjoying yourself <em>very </em>thoroughly the few times I saw you.” </p><p>Loki scowled sharply, then. “You <em>pathetic--</em>” </p><p>“<em>Loki</em>.” Thor interrupted, reaching out to grasp at one of Loki’s arms in what was meant to be a grounding touch. “Leave it.” </p><p>There was a beat as Loki glanced quickly between Thor and the Valkyrie (who stood with her arm inching toward her weapons belt) with somewhat wild eyes, before he relaxed visibly and took a step back, tugging a bit at where Thor was still gripping at his arm. </p><p>Reluctantly, Thor released his hold, though he kept his gaze trained carefully on where Loki was now smoothing his hair haughtily back into place. </p><p>“Alright,” Loki sniffed at last, shrugging as if the situation did not affect him either way. “What’s your punishment to be, then?” </p><p>Thor blinked. “I didn’t say I believed the accusation.” he responded, at last. </p><p>“You didn’t have to.” Loki growled, his eyes narrowing slightly. “We all know how this ends.” </p><p>“I don’t--Loki,” Thor began. “I don’t intend to punish you.” he ignored his brother’s disbelieving expression. “I just want to know the truth.”</p><p>“I’ve given it to you.” Loki shrugged again. “Whether or not you choose to believe it is your choice.” </p><p>“You’ve given a part of it, yes.” Thor replied, feeling suddenly as if they were on much more familiar ground. “But not the whole truth, I don’t think.” </p><p>Loki tensed slightly, though his expression remained one of smooth indifference. “I don’t--” </p><p>“What were you doing near the infirmary, Loki?” Thor inquired lowly, raising both hands in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. </p><p>Loki hesitated visibly, drawing himself up to full height as his mouth pressed into a thin line. </p><p>
“I’ve already told you.” he returned, at last, and Thor had to fight the urge to chuckle humorlessly at the words. </p><p>It was just like Loki, to deflect an unwanted inquiry by making one question what they already knew. </p><p>“Have you?” Thor replied instead, frowning with exaggerated consideration. “I don’t seem to recall. Do you, Val?” </p><p>Val rolled her eyes and glanced away, seeming to realize that she was being pulled into another sibling squabble. </p><p>She seemed entirely more relaxed than she had moments before, however, and Thor released a mental sigh of relief at the knowledge that he had successfully diffused at least one end of the argument. </p><p>“Well, Loki?” Thor prodded, turning back to face an uneasy looking Loki, again. </p><p>“I--” Loki swallowed then, and seemed to realize that there was no wriggling out from beneath Thor’s steady insistence before he deflated with a small sigh. </p><p>“If you must know,” he began, his gaze flickering briefly to the Valkyrie before landing more solidly on Thor. “I was...making a social call.” </p><p>Thor raised a brow. “To the infirmary?” </p><p>“Bullshit.” Val muttered. </p><p>“Believe me or not.” Loki repeated, “Again, that is your choice.” </p><p>“Who would <em>you </em>be visiting?” Val interjected. “I hardly see you talking to anyone beyond your own brother.” </p><p>To Thor’s surprise, the high spot on either of Loki’s cheekbones flushed slightly pink, and he hesitated as if considering his next words carefully. </p><p>“They--” he cleared his throat and glanced away. “His name is Modi.” he finally admitted, straightening slightly as if daring an argument. </p><p>“A lover?” Val taunted, words dripping with sarcasm. </p><p>“A <em>child</em>.” Loki snapped. “Honestly.” </p><p>“What would you want with a child?” Val made a face. “Looking for someone to carry on your murderous legacy when you’re gone?” </p><p>“As lovely as that would be, I’m afraid not.” Loki drawled, before seeming to hesitate, again. “I--he’s injured.”</p><p>At the words, Val’s features visibly softened, though her brows drew together in a skeptical frown. </p><p>“Has been since the Rainbow Bridge.” Loki concluded, at length, glancing down to where his hands were fidgeting before him. </p><p>“And why would you care?” Val questioned, after a moment, though there was less heat and more genuine curiosity behind the words. </p><p>“He’s fond of stories.” Loki dismissed with a small, almost childish shrug, still keeping his gaze trained firmly on his hands. “Particularly theatre.” </p><p>Thor blinked, his heart twisting slightly when the meaning behind Loki’s words caught up with him. </p><p>“He enjoyed your play.” he breathed, at last. </p><p>“There were few who didn’t.” Loki replied, glancing up at last to give Thor a wolfish grin. “Though Modi in particular was impressed. He hardly missed a performance.” he sobered, then, a frown twisting his features as if he had tasted something particularly unpleasant. </p><p>“He believes me to be some kind of hero, now.” he informed with a sneer. </p><p>“Then he believes correctly.” Thor returned, and took a step forward to lay his hand, gentle now, on Loki’s arm again. </p><p>“Do not be so intentionally obtuse, brother.” Loki snorted derisively, taking another step back so that Thor was forced to release his arm. “He believes what we both know to be a fiction.” </p><p>“Spurred on no doubt by his hero returning to save him from a crumbling city in the midst of a terrifying battle.” Thor insisted. “Tell me again, brother, who here is believing a fiction?” </p><p>Loki scowled. “He’s foolish.” he hissed, though there was little conviction behind the words. </p><p>“And yet you continue to visit and keep him company.” Thor argued. “Tell me, Loki, where are the boy’s parents?” </p><p>Loki shifted a little uncomfortably, his eyes widening slightly even as he kept his gaze carefully diverted. </p><p>“They were killed.” Loki replied, after a tense pause. “Both of them.” </p><p>“He’s an orphan?” Thor inquired, his heart twisting again at the reminder of how much their people had lost. </p><p>“He has an uncle who has taken on the task of raising him.” Loki informed, though the small nod he gave betrayed the words. “But he is kept busy with a number of his own children.” </p><p>“So you visit him.” Thor repeated, a warmth beginning to spread within his chest as he studied his brother for what felt like the first time.</p><p>He wondered, absently, when he would stop being surprised by Loki, and considered a little humorlessly that he’d have more success at attempting to stop the fall of their home planet. </p><p>“I already said as much, didn’t I?” Loki snapped. “What more do you want from me?” </p><p>“Absolutely nothing.” Thor replied with a small, please smile, “Though I thank you for your honesty.” </p><p>Loki scowled, though Val spoke before he could. </p><p>“Words I don’t think I’ll ever hear again in my lifetime.” she drawled, taking a step forward to offer Loki a small smile. “”Well done, Lackey. I wouldn’t have thought you capable.” </p><p>“I don’t need your approval.” Loki snarled, though it was difficult to miss the way the flush on his cheeks darkened slightly at the praise. </p><p>“Whatever you say.” Val replied with an indifferent shrug, and offered one last smug smile before turning on her heel to leave the two of them alone at their end of the hall. </p><p>“Not even an apology.” Loki huffed. “Typical.” he glanced to Thor out the corner of his eye, then, his features pinching when he noticed his smile. </p><p>“I hate you.” he informed, pointedly, to which Thor barked a small laugh. </p><p>“And I love you.” Thor returned, leaning forward to pat Loki consolingly on the shoulder. </p><p>There was a long beat of silence, then, as Thor’s words registered to both involved parties. </p><p>Thor felt Loki’s shoulder tense beneath his hand, and had only a moment to react before Loki was jerking himself out of the hold and a step away entirely, his features darkening visibly. </p><p>“Honestly, Thor.” he snapped, before turning on one heel to disappear in the same direction the Valkyrie had only moments ago. </p><p>Thor watched him go, noting Loki’s tense shoulders and the fists clenched at his sides, one hand still half outstretched in an effort to stop his hasty exit as his mind began to buzz with a hundred questions he hadn’t even been aware of having even moments before. </p><p>---</p><p>Later that evening, Thor shifted restlessly again on the bed in the chambers he shared with his companions, settling to lie on his back with a huff and allowing his gaze to drift to the large window at the other end of the room, though there was little to see beyond the giant metal shield that had been drawn over it. </p><p>When the room had first been assigned to Thor and his company, Loki had taken one look at the window before politely asking if they might draw the cover for it, were these to be their permanent lodgings. </p><p>And Thor had agreed readily, not able to shake the image of the way Loki’s shoulders had tensed as he had laid eyes upon the window, his gaze locking almost magnetically on the vast void of stars beyond as his hands had begun to tremble almost imperceptibly at his sides. </p><p>The memory made Thor’s stomach turn, now, and he shifted again to face the opposite wall. </p><p>From the sleeping mat laid out on the other side of the room, Loki snuffled softly in his sleep, and Thor felt his heart tighten at the familiar sound. </p><p>How long had it been since they had shared such close quarters? In youth, the two princes had been afforded separate rooms, though it wasn’t until Loki was at least the Midgardian equivalent of 8 years old before he had stopped sneaking into Thor’s own chambers in the evenings and falling into slumber on the edge of Thor’s mattress, his breaths soft and even save for the occasional snuffle. </p><p>(Quite the opposite of Thor’s “abhorrent snoring,”, according to Loki, a habit he had grown out of, of course). </p><p>By the time they had entered their tweens, the familiarity of shared sleeping quarters had ceased almost entirely, save for the occasional tent on a hunt, or the rare nightmare severe enough to send Loki running to somewhere as familiar as Thor’s chambers. </p><p>Had it also been so long, Thor pondered with a small grimace, now, since he had also vocally expressed his love for his brother?</p><p>Certainly, the occasional “I love you,” had been tossed back and forth between the two of them frequently enough in their youth, particularly after one of Loki’s nightmares, or when Thor needed, but would not outrightly ask for, encouragement after a particularly brutal fight with their father. </p><p>But as all casual shows of affection between them tended to do, the words became rarer as they had grown older, replaced instead with gentle barbs or an arm slung casually around the other’s shoulder. </p><p><em>“Never doubt that I love you,”</em> Loki’s words before Thor’s ill-fated coronation floated to the forefront of Thor’s mind, unbidden, and he bit back another wince. </p><p>Had that really been the last time either of them had shared the words freely? </p><p>Had they really been so blinded by their own slights against one another since ? </p><p>It seemed almost difficult to believe, now, with Loki sleeping softly within their shared chambers after months of having served diligently at Thor’s side as they worked to settle what was left of their kingdom into the ship and, eventually (<em>hopefully</em>), Midgard. </p><p>It was just like that with Loki, though, Thor considered with a small smile. One minute laughing cruelly in the face of your pain, only to offer care and support with such blatant honesty the next it made it difficult to believe he had ever wronged you, at all.</p><p>It had been so since they were young, and Thor knew that, given the opportunity, he would not change it for anything.</p><p>With a small exhale, Thor’s thoughts turned to Loki’s reaction during their earlier conversation; how his eyes had gone steely and features darkened almost as soon as Thor had offered the expression of verbal affection. </p><p>It was hardly a heartening reaction, Thor thought, though not without a silver lining. </p><p>For it was also a tell. </p><p>Loki may have considered Thor to be willfully ignorant, going so far as to believe him blinded by nostalgia and a wish for things to be as they once were. </p><p>And, though Thor would not be disappointed were this the case, he was hardly ignorant, which extended to him remembering a great many details about his younger brother. </p><p>One of the first and foremost being that Loki had the habit of dismissing almost any intense emotion he did not feel like addressing by lashing out in spiteful fury. </p><p>He had done so since they were very small, and only moments of true emotional intensity were enough to draw truthful emotions out of him, at times. </p><p>Loki intensely disliked being made to feel vulnerable, and had always done so. Thor could remember well the many times his brother had been injured or upset in the past, only to brush Thor’s concern aside with a quick word or, if that didn’t work, a harsh dismissal. </p><p>It was only their mother who had been able to weedle the truth out of him without being faced with too much of his ire, and even she had been burned, on occasion. </p><p>And, while anger was often the truth behind his emotions, Thor felt strongly that this was not one of those times. </p><p>He had become too familiar with the brief flash of fear and hope he had seen behind Loki’s eyes, earlier that afternoon, before it was quickly covered by a harsh laugh or sharp word. Had seen the way his brother had leaned ever so slightly into Thor’s grip, before drawing away harshly. </p><p>He had been taken off guard, Thor knew, and could not help the small twist of guilt his stomach gave at the thought. </p><p>It hadn’t just been that, however. Loki was quick to recover himself almost always, only stumbling over his dismissals when weakened or exhausted. </p><p>Or afraid, Thor thought dismally. </p><p>And why his words had been at all frightening, Thor did not pretend to know, though in this truth he was certain.</p><p>He did, however, lying there in the dark with his face pinched into a thoughtful frown, determine to himself that he would find out the answer. </p><p>Loki’s apparent mortification at his affection, notwithstanding. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. "I love you," "Shut up."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A snapshot of how Loki and Thor begin to settle a bit more comfortably into their roles on the <i>Statesman</i>.<br/>Or; Thor is presented with the ideal moment to prod at Loki's seemingly incalculable affections and takes it eagerly, Loki's subsequent response is less than ideal, and the Valkyrie offers some questionable advice.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over a fortnight passed before Thor got the opportunity to think closely on his personal mission, again. </p><p>The days prior had been no short of Hel, which was saying something, seeing as Thor had faced it, more or less. </p><p>The ship had begun to run dangerously low on fuel, and they had been forced to make an emergency stop on a less than savory outpost to restock on watered down fuel and supplies. </p><p>And while the small group of Einherjar they had sent to the markets to retrieve the supplies had miraculously returned unscatched, one had contracted a peculiar strand of the flu that had left the healers somewhat puzzled and, of course, had proceeded to spread throughout the ship like wildfire. </p><p>Thor had spent days cursing his own stupidity for not checking the fuel levels at their last (much more peaceful) stop. And, though the Valkyrie offered well-intentioned jibes alongside Bruce’s reassurances in an attempt to cheer him, he continued to fret over the decision. </p><p>In the end, it was only Loki’s frustration that had drawn Thor entirely out of his own self pity. </p><p>“For Norns’ sake, Thor.” Loki had griped, “Stop pouting. You did what any sane person would have done.” </p><p>“But it was a mistake that nearly cost several of our people their lives.” Thor had argued miserably.</p><p>“Yet it didn’t.” Loki had returned, firmly. “The healers were able to find a remedy, and no one was harmed.” he had paused, then, chewing on the inside of one cheek before adding, softly, “It is not you who should bear the entire weight of every mistake made, you know.” </p><p>“But as king--” </p><p>“As king,” Loki had interrupted sharply. “You are not the only one with a set of eyes. In fact, you are down one, and any of us could have noticed the fuel levels beforehand. So stop.” </p><p>And Thor, too shocked to argue, had relented, and that had been the end of it. </p><p>At the time, he had considered that Loki was almost as good at hiding his encouragement behind sharp words as he was at hiding his vulnerability behind anger. </p><p>Which, of course, led him back to his original, as of yet unpursued conquest. </p><p>It struck him in the middle of a council meeting nearly a week later, as he was fighting valiantly to focus on Heimdall’s reports on the numbers of those still ill on the ship, as opposed to those now fully recovered. </p><p>Council meetings had, he would admit, never been one of his stronger points. As a young teenager being trained in the ways of the throne, Thor had been known by the members of the council at the time to drift off into a number of daydreams during the meetings or even, on occasion, into a light slumber. </p><p>And, try as he might, it was not a responsibility that held any more intrigue for him now than it had back then. </p><p>From the other end of the long table they were gathered around, Loki sat with both elbows casually on the table, though anyone present could have easily told that he was held at rapt attention, occasionally nodding along or humming in acknowledgement, when necessary. </p><p>He had always, Thor considered, been more suited for diplomatic negotiations and council meetings than Thor himself. </p><p>There had been a time where Thor had truly believed that the two of them would rule side by side, Loki tackling the more difficult political aspects of the throne while Thor kept the peace on the battlefront. </p><p>And, while it had been a relatively juvenile fantasy, Thor could not count the number of times Loki had saved him by filling him in later on what Thor had missed when his attention did occasionally wander during their weekly council meetings. </p><p>Speaking of which… </p><p>“Your Highness?” </p><p>“I apologize?” Thor sat a bit straighter and fought the small wince that wanted to crease his features. </p><p>From where he was sat, Loki rolled his eyes subtly enough that only Thor would notice, and reached forward to scratch something onto the pad of paper before him. </p><p>Thor’s small mistake was quickly forgiven, and Heimdall offered a small and knowing smile before repeating his report on the inventory of their rations, to which Thor nodded stoically, and rallied to remain attentive from that point forward. </p><p>The room quickly emptied, once the meeting had concluded, each member of the remaining council eager to tackle the new items that had been added to their agenda before the day had become too long. </p><p>“Sleeping again, brother?” Loki’s voice startled Thor where he was sat at the head of the now empty table, busily penning a few additional items onto his own ever growing list.</p><p>“Only a brief repose.” Thor replied, glancing up to shoot Loki a small smile before rising so that he could exit the room at his brother’s side. </p><p>“Well,” Loki was saying, “That ‘brief repose’ nearly cost you the entirety of Heimdall’s report on the upcoming, safe outposts where we might be able to stop and refuel.” </p><p>Thor grimaced, and made to bury his face in his hands in exaggerated dismay when Loki continued speaking. </p><p>“Luckily for you, I’ve compiled a subsequent list so simple even you could understand it.” he said, before casually handing a folded piece of paper to Thor without so much as glancing at him. </p><p>“Oh ho, brother!” Thor cried, eagerly accepting the notes and offering Loki his most winning smile. “This has easily saved me an entire day’s worth of reading.” </p><p>“And a week’s worth of Heimdall’s lecturing, if you’re lucky.” Loki replied with a small, sly smile. “You are welcome.” </p><p>“You truly are the best brother.” Thor intoned dramatically, noting absently the way Loki went slightly stiff at the words. </p><p>He was reminded, suddenly, of their interaction weeks before, and decided that, if any, now was the perfect time to push his luck just a bit further. </p><p>“I love you.” he offered, before Loki could recover himself enough to reply, and just barely managed to restrain himself from reaching out to clasp Loki’s arm again, instead opting to nudge the latter’s shoulder with his own. </p><p>The words were spoken casually and with exaggerated sincerity, as Thor would have done hundreds of years before when Loki had saved him from another one of their father’s lectures with his quick tongue, or healed Thor’s bruises after a spar with hardly a thought. </p><p>(“I <em>love </em>you,” Thor would say, flopping dramatically against Loki’s side, to which Loki would offer an annoyed huff, almost always accompanied by a reluctant smile). </p><p>Now, however, the words had less than their desired effect. </p><p>Almost immediately, Loki screeched to a halt, leaving Thor to stride a few steps further before what had happened caught up with him and he stopped, as well, turning to face where Loki was staring him down with an unreadable expression. </p><p>“Loki--” </p><p>“Shut up.” Loki hissed, shaking his head in an almost confused movement before repeating, “Just shut up, Thor.” </p><p>And, before Thor could even think of how to reply, he had turned and begun to hasten down the hallway in the opposite direction, his cloak billowing dramatically out behind him. </p><p>Thor opened his mouth to call after him, only to be interrupted by a call from somewhere behind his shoulder. </p><p>“Your Highness?” Heimdall repeated, when Thor allowed himself another moment to watch his brother disappear around the corner. </p><p>“Well, that went well.” he mumbled below his breath, and heaved a small and exasperated sigh before turning to face Heimdall’s questioning gaze. </p><p>---</p><p>“He got angry?” </p><p>“Of course he got angry!” Thor couldn’t help but snap, glancing away from the Valkyrie’s far too knowing gaze to pick moodily at the meal before him. “He’s always angry.” </p><p>“I resent that.” Bruce piped up from across the table over the sound of Val’s cackling. </p><p>“How did you expect him to react?” she finally calmed enough to ask, taking a long sip from the bottle at her elbow before wiping her mouth and continuing, “Throw himself into your arms and express his undying adoration?” she snorted slightly, as if mentally picturing the scenario. </p><p>“I don’t know why I open up to you two about anything.” Thor muttered, stabbing at a potato on his plate with particular force. “Truly I don’t.” </p><p>“Because your only other option is Heimdall?” Val mused. “And he’d probably offer advice too sound for your liking?” </p><p>“Well, if I wanted advice from my elders, I have an option right here.” Thor returned, shooting the Valkyrie a teasing grin when she scowled slightly in response. </p><p>“So you haven’t tried talking about it since the uh, council meeting yesterday, then?” Bruce cut in, seeming to sense that a quarrel might break out. </p><p>“No,” Thor replied with a small frown. “And I’m not sure that I should. Loki does not seem--” he winced. “Particularly fond of many shows of affection, anymore.” </p><p>“Anymore?” Bruce repeated. “Like, he did at one point?” </p><p>“Oh, absolutely.” Thor nodded enthusiastically. “When Loki and I were children, he thrived on affection.” </p><p>“More like attention.” Val snorted over the lip of her bottle. </p><p>“That too.” Thor admitted, readily.</p><p>“Okay,” Bruce was nodding absently, as if mulling the situation over carefully. “So what’s changed?” </p><p>Thor blinked. “I don’t think I need to go into detail over the discrepancies between the Loki of our childhood and--” he glanced briefly around their table, to ensure that Loki was not approaching or lingering the shadows to eavesdrop (as had been known to happen), before continuing, “and now.” </p><p>“No.” Bruce denied immediately with a small but vehement shake of his head. “Absolutely not. But,” he began, “at the same time, clearly not <em>all </em>that much has changed.” </p><p>Thor wrinkled his nose in confusion and, from beside him, the Valkyrie seemed to be doing the same. </p><p>“Listen, Bruce.” she began, “I know you’re not all that familiar with Asgard’s history, but--” </p><p>“No, no.” Bruce interrupted, raising both hands defensively. “I’m plenty familiar with what went down. I just--” he exhaled, and turned to face Thor, then. “He’s still your brother, right?” </p><p>“Right?” Thor shrugged, still feeling a bit lost. </p><p>“And he still loves you?” </p><p>Thor opened his mouth to reply immediately, only to hesitate with his affirmation dying on his tongue. </p><p>“I--I believe so.” he muttered at last, glancing back down at his meal, rather than meeting Val’s burning gaze. </p><p>“Okay,” Bruce ran one hand distractedly through his hair. “So let’s backtrack. He still likes attention, right?” </p><p>“Obviously.” Val drawled. </p><p>“So it stands to reason that he still likes affection.” Bruce concluded, leaning forward to whisper conspiratorially to Thor with a small, encouraging smile, “He still likes <em>your </em>affection.” </p><p>“So I had hoped.” Thor returned with a weak smile of his own. “Yet, if my previous attempts are anything to go by, this may not be the case.” </p><p>“You know what I think?” Val piped up before Bruce could reply, draining the bottle in her hand in one go before continuing, “I think you need to get him drunk.” </p><p>“Loki?” Thor inquired, turning to face Val with an incredulous expression. </p><p>She raised a pointed brow. “Who else?” </p><p>“Loki doesn’t get drunk.” Thor denied at once. “It’s near impossible to even intoxicate him.” </p><p>“So says you.” Val replied, and leaned forward to rest both elbows on her knees with a small waggle of one eyebrow. “But you forget, Majesty. I’ve seen more of him on Sakaar than you have.” </p><p>“I--” Thor felt himself frown sternly. “Loki stated that he did not participate in anything like that.” </p><p>And, for all that Loki could be immensely distrustful when it came to the truth, this Thor did believe. </p><p>“Not drugs, maybe.” Val shrugged. “But Sakaarian booze is drastically different than what you had on Asgard.” she grinned wickedly, then. “And we’ve plenty of it on the ship.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thor can be a bit of a dumb shit and i love him for it.<br/>i particularly like exploring how Thor as King and Loki as Crown Prince interact and function, eventually, as a unit. i think it's a really fun dynamic. </p><p>this chapter is a bit shorter and honestly acts primarily as a jump off point for the rest of the fic. time permitting, i might post the next chapter a little early, to make up for it! (honestly meant to post <i>this</i> chapter earlier in the week and i just ran out of time)</p><p>thank you all for reading and leaving comments, so far! xx hope you enjoy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. "I love you," "No, you don't."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thor follows the Valkyrie's previous advice to a somewhat tremulous outcome, Thor and Loki have a Discussion, and Thor begins to harbor some new concerns about Loki's behaviors and habits.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <b>tw/chapter warning!: mentions of alcohol/unhealthy behaviors that may or may not be expanded upon further in upcoming chapters. stay safe!! xx</b>
</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You want to what?” Loki demanded, not a week after the Valkyrie’s suggestion.</p>
<p>“Take a drink with you.” Thor informed again, watching as a myriad of emotions, none of which were quite identifiable, flickered across Loki’s expression, before it settled into something like mild irritation. </p>
<p>“I heard you the first time.” he snapped with an irritable wave of one hand. </p>
<p>“Then why ask?” Thor returned in his own rising frustration. </p>
<p>“Because I do not <em>understand</em>.” Loki replied waspishly as he turned dismissively away, the admission clearly paining him. “To what end?” </p>
<p>Thor frowned. “What do you mean?” </p>
<p>“Has the Valkyrie put you up to this?” Loki inquired, and Thor felt his pulse begin to race before Loki continued, “If so, you may reiterate to her that I am not interested in partaking in any form of competition--” </p>
<p>“No, Loki.” Thor interrupted with a soft huff of a chuckle, and shook his head slightly when Loki looked even more confused at the words. “No. I just thought--it’s been a difficult few weeks, and I thought that the both of us might benefit from some--some time off.” he finished, a little lamely, offering a small smile when Loki continued to eye him warily. </p>
<p>“And you thought a drink might solve that?” Loki inquired, raising one brow drily. </p>
<p>“It certainly would not go amiss.” Thor shrugged.</p>
<p>And, after a long and tense silence, Loki finally heaved a long exhale. </p>
<p>“I assume that the Valkyrie will be joining us?” he asked, at length, focussing on the opposite wall, rather than Thor himself. </p>
<p>“I hardly think we could stop her if we tried.” Thor chuckled, a small hope beginning to flutter between his ribs. </p>
<p>“And--” Loki cleared his throat and kept his gaze carefully averted. “And Banner?” </p>
<p>Thor grimaced, slightly. </p>
<p>While Loki and Bruce had certainly begun to get on better over the past month or so, that had not seemed to stop the former from taking care to skirt around Banner at almost all times, going so far as to blatantly avoid situations wherein the two might even run the risk of being left alone together. </p>
<p>And, while Thor longed for his brother to someday be able to interact with all his friends with relative ease, he had to admit that he could understand the…particular tension between those two. </p>
<p>Now, Thor only shook his head and offered Loki another, hopefully appeasing smile. </p>
<p>“I don’t think Bruce has any interest,” he informed. “I doubt that there is anything on this ship that is safe enough for a Midgardian to drink, after all.” </p>
<p>At the words, Loki relaxed slightly, though he continued to frown slightly in consideration. </p>
<p>“I suppose I could spare an hour.” he finally replied, at which Thor had to fight the urge to cheer outright. “Though I’ll have you know that the statement for your monthly address tomorrow still hasn’t been entirely prepared.” </p>
<p>“All the more reason to drink!” Thor responded cheerily, striding forward to pat Loki’s shoulder once before jaunting merrily in the direction of the bar. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“Nornheim? <em>Really</em>?” Val cried, laughter already bubbling out of her as Thor straightened excitedly from his previous slouch against the bartop to reply. </p>
<p>“Yes, Nornheim!” he nearly bellowed, reaching clumsily to his right and, after a few failed attempts, grasped Loki tightly by the shoulder. “It was one of our first conquests!” </p>
<p>“Hardly one of the first.” Loki informed with a small smirk, not looking up from where he had begun to swirl the last of his drink at the bottom of the heavy crystal glass he held. </p>
<p>“Were you the ones who caused the mess with the fog that lasted years?” Val cackled. “There were rumors circulating forever!”</p>
<p>“It was a smokescreen.” Loki supplied, “And it was hardly <em>years</em>.”</p>
<p>“I heard it was years.” Val shot back. </p>
<p>“And that’s why you should not listen to rumors.” Loki drawled. </p>
<p>“Alright, enough, you two.” Thor chided mellowly, leaning heavily on the bar to drag himself to his feet before beginning to search for another bottle. </p>
<p>“Surely not, brother.” Loki spoke up, reaching forward to clasp at Thor’s wrist gently between his thumb and forefinger. “We have an early morning, tomorrow, after all.” </p>
<p>It was a testament to how much the few glasses he had consumed so far had affected him, Thor thought fuzzily, that Loki offered the touch so freely.</p>
<p>“And you hardly know my limits, if you think me incapable of that.” Thor teased, clasping his own hand warmly over Loki’s for a long moment before drawing away to continue his search for another bottle of ale. </p>
<p>Loki sighed audibly, and Thor did not have to turn to know that he was pouting moodily into his own drink. </p>
<p>“Have another, princess?” Val was saying, and Thor turned just in time to catch the warning look Loki shot in her direction. </p>
<p>“I’d just as soon not.” he returned, nodding in what anyone would have taken as politeness, had they not known him well enough to recognize it for the sarcastic gesture as it was. </p>
<p>“Wow,” Val replied, shrugging slightly before taking another long draught of her ale. “Shown up by your big brother and a Valkyrie. Can’t say I’m surprised.”</p>
<p>Ordinarily, Thor considered, Loki would have seen through the goading immediately, and would not have hesitated in calling anyone out on it. </p>
<p>Now, however, he simply frowned slightly before extending the glass in his hand toward Val, and glanced pointedly down to the bottle of brownish liquor at her elbow. </p>
<p>“Well we can’t have that, can we?” he replied, arching one sharp brow in a pointed challenge. </p>
<p>“<em>Another!</em>” Thor bellowed, more for nostalgia’s sake than anything, and tossed a nearby metal goblet noisily to the floor, his gut swooping in pleasure when Loki chuckled and rolled his eyes fondly at the show. </p>
<p>“You always were one for dramatics.” Loki mumbled, leaning forward to take another hefty swig from his newly refilled glass. </p>
<p>Thor let out a sharp laugh. “From you? A worthy compliment.” </p>
<p>“I think, dear brother,” Loki drawled, “That you are blurring the line between dramatics and fine taste.” </p>
<p>“A distinction in which I am sure you are well versed.” Thor shot back, taking a moment to pour his tankard full of another stout mead before rounding the bar again to retake his seat at Loki’s side, again. </p>
<p>“Alright!” Val cut in. “If I tell you you’re both pretty, will you stop fighting?” </p>
<p>“No,” Thor replied cheerfully, only for Loki’s reply to follow just on the heels of his own. </p>
<p>“If you believe this to be what the two of us fighting looks like, then you clearly haven’t yet seen it.” </p>
<p>A chilly silence fell over the three of them, then, each glancing pointedly away from the other as the words began to sink in. </p>
<p>“Norns, Lackey.” Val was the first to recover herself, and she shot Loki an incredulous look. “Way to set the mood.” </p>
<p>“I--” Loki began, shaking his head slightly as if to clear it before continuing, “I only thought--”</p>
<p>And, when neither Thor nor the Valkyrie made to respond, he frowned slightly before continuing, “Isn’t that why I am here?” the frown twisted into a sneer, then. “If not as paltry entertainment?” </p>
<p>Immediately, Val took another long swallow from her glass, and raised a pointed brow in Thor’s direction as if to say, <em>‘you handle this,’</em> before she turned away, entirely. </p>
<p>“What--” Thor coughed, swallowing past the sudden sandpaper in his throat with some effort before continuing, “What do you mean?” </p>
<p>“Why I’m <em>here</em>.” Loki insisted in his obviously mounting frustration. “What do you <em>want </em>from me?” </p>
<p>Thor swallowed again, feeling suddenly as if the previously comfortable situation was suddenly sliding rapidly beyond his control. </p>
<p>And really, he considered humorlessly, would it be an evening with Loki were this not the case, at some point? </p>
<p>“I don’t understand.” Thor admitted, at length. “We--<em>I </em>don’t want anything.” </p>
<p>“Don’t be stupid.” Loki snapped. “Clearly there’s something.” he swallowed visibly, a brief sheen coating his eyes before he blinked rapidly. </p>
<p>“To settle an argument, maybe.” he continued, “To ask me to do something for you, or--” </p>
<p>Loki sucked in a tremulous breath, then. </p>
<p>“I don’t pretend to know.” he dismissed, at last, with a small tilt of his head. “But, now that everything is out in the open,” he grinned sharply, then, “I would prefer to be informed, sooner rather than later.” </p>
<p>Thor hesitated, his breath drying unpleasantly in his throat as Loki’s gaze remained trained firmly on him, his chest heaving as if he were waiting on bated breath for Thor’s reply. </p>
<p>“I don’t want anything.” Thor repeated, ignoring the slight swimming of his head and leaning forward slightly to grasp at Loki’s elbow. “Truly--” </p>
<p>Loki snorted, then, the sound of it echoing loudly and unpleasantly about the room. </p>
<p>“You need not lie to me, Thor.” he murmured, at length, that cold and sharp smile still twisting his features. “I know you too well for that.” </p>
<p>“And I know you too well to fall prey to your feigned indifference.” Thor argued, immediately. “Loki,” </p>
<p>“<em>Thor</em>.” Loki interrupted sternly, his brow furrowing slightly as he bristled. </p>
<p>“Do not think me so trivial as to request your company to serve a selfish purpose.” Thor growled, his grip on Loki’s arm tightening slightly as he spoke. </p>
<p>“Then what do you want?” Loki snarled, tugging weakly at Thor’s grip, now. </p>
<p>“Only your company!” Thor snapped, ignoring the Valkyrie’s eyes trained firmly on them in favor of reaching out to grasp at the side of Loki’s neck with his free hand, not missing the way his brother stilled immediately beneath his touch. </p>
<p>“I only wished for your company.” he breathed, when Loki had all but frozen beneath him, his eyes blown wide and his shoulders held tense and timid as he heaved audibly for breath. </p>
<p>“Why?” Loki whispered, at last, seeming to recover himself to lean forward in faux curiosity. </p>
<p>Or so it would have seemed, had Thor not known him as well as he did. </p>
<p>“Because I love you.” Thor returned simply, and smiled softly when Loki only blinked in response. “Truly--” </p>
<p>“No,” Loki interjected, before Thor could finish, his features having smoothed out into something of a cool and indifferent mask. </p>
<p>Thor recognized the look immediately, and he felt his insides chill slightly at the sight of it. </p>
<p>It was an inarguable dismissal, one he had been faced with many times, in the past, when Loki had decided that a conversation he did not want to participate in was over.</p>
<p>(Always Loki).</p>
<p>“No,” Loki was repeating, now, “No, Thor. You don’t.” </p>
<p>Distantly, Thor registered that the Valkyrie had stood and quickly exited the room, though he hardly had the presence of mind to turn and confirm the fact. </p>
<p>“Loki--” </p>
<p>“You don’t.” Loki interrupted, firmly, though not unkindly, “Trust me, Thor.” </p>
<p>“No,” Thor murmured, and shook his head firmly before continuing, more certain, now, “No, Loki--” </p>
<p>“You’re confused.” Loki continued and, before Thor could register what was happening, he had stood and taken several steps back so that there was almost a room of space between him and Thor. </p>
<p>And, in the past, Thor might have been swayed by the words and the steady tone. </p>
<p>Now, he recognized the words for what they were; a diversion, sharp but weak, considering the tremulous fear Thor could see lurking just behind them. </p>
<p>“And you are clever.” Thor informed, standing also and taking one tremulous step toward where Loki was pressed against the opposite wall, his eyes wide and wary. </p>
<p>“But, perhaps brother, not that clever.” he continued in a small, soft smile. “You are diverting.” </p>
<p>“And you are a fool.” Loki snapped, immediately, drawing further back and sneering cruelly when Thor only blinked in the face of the hurled insult. “Relying on your precious memories, your nostalgic tendencies to carry you. <em>Pathetic</em>.” he spat. “It’s hardly any wonder you cling to me for a semblance of normalcy. A beacon of memory for your old life where there is no other.” </p>
<p>And, in spite of himself, Thor felt a hot prickling behind his remaining eye at the words. </p>
<p>“Why do you mock so?” he cried, lurching forward another step, and taking no pleasure when Loki skittered back a step further at the advance. “Why do you pursue my unhappiness so vehemently?” </p>
<p>“Why do <em>you</em> pursue my lack of peace with your mocking words?” Loki countered, leaning backward as if Thor’s very presence offended him. </p>
<p>Thor fell back a step, then, his gut churning slightly as the words registered. </p>
<p>“Is that really what you think?” he finally extended with a weary, shuddering exhale “That I only aim to disrupt your--your <em>peace</em>?” </p>
<p>“I can think of no other reason as to why you would seek out my company.” Loki replied, glancing down to study his own fingernails in feigned indifference. </p>
<p>Thor growled, then, burying the fear he could feel beginning to build at the back of his own mind beneath a healthy dose of frustration. “Is it not enough that I lo--”</p>
<p>“No.” Loki repeated, and Thor hardly had time to blink before Loki was at his side, leaning forward to catch his gaze with a sharp shake of his head as he hissed, “No, Thor. No you don’t.” </p>
<p>And, before Thor could react, he was gone, either having disappeared out the door behind Thor or simply teleporting out of his sight. </p>
<p>With a groan, Thor sank back into his seat at the bar, Loki’s words echoing dimply and maddeningly in his head. </p>
<p>
  <em>“No, Thor.” </em>
</p>
<p>Not allowing himself to think any further, Thor lurched forward to grasp at his long abandoned drink, downing half of it in one go and willing his mind into silence, for the time being. </p>
<p>There would be time to consider and, ultimately, overthink the conversation in the morning. This he was more than certain of. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>It was nearly a week before Loki spoke to Thor again. </p>
<p>He had, in fact, gone out of his way to avoid him entirely, citing a hefty to-do list before scurrying off to another part of the ship, normally to the end that was opposite wherever Thor himself was. </p>
<p>Of course, he did not bother to offer the excuses to Thor in person. Rather, he would simply pass them on to the Valkyrie, Bruce, or Heimdall before disappearing before Thor could get a word in edgewise. </p>
<p>On the rare occasions their meals intercepted, Loki would take one look at Thor before exiting the hall hastily, his meal either left abandoned or unattained. </p>
<p>That was, this <em>had </em>been the case, until Loki stopped taking his meals, entirely. </p>
<p>Thor had been wandering into the dining hall with a tray full of rations himself, when the realization struck him, and he had cast a searching gaze around the room, only for his gut to sink in disappointment when it seemed that Loki was not in attendance. </p>
<p>“Have you seen Loki, recently?” he inquired of Bruce as they took their seats. </p>
<p>“Loki?” Bruce repeated, glancing warily around as if Loki might appear at any moment, before the entirety of Thor’s query seemed to catch up with him, and he turned back with a small shake of his head. </p>
<p>“Ah, no. I can’t say that I have.” </p>
<p>Thor hummed, frowning down at his plate and trying to recall when the last time he had seen his brother had been. </p>
<p>Loki had continued to sleep in their chambers, of course, though Thor suspected that this decision could simply be boiled down to the fact that there were few other places on the ship that offered both the seclusion and luxury Loki was accustomed to, rather by choice alone. </p>
<p>He had, however, spent the better part of the previous week sneaking into the room when Thor was (or when Loki believed him to be) already asleep, and always made certain to rise early enough to exit quietly enough to ensure that no one had noticed his presence. </p>
<p>It made Thor’s gut twist with worry. In the past, Loki had never particularly observed a rigid sleeping schedule, always tending to fall deeply into his studies or reading and staying up far later than he should have. </p>
<p>There had been a great many times, Thor mused with no small amount of fondness, that he had poked his head into the library in the early mornings on Asgard, only to quirk a small smile when he would find Loki slumped over his usual table in the corner, mouth wide open as he snored over another thick tome. </p>
<p>Like many things with Loki, it had been a somewhat charming habit up until it hadn’t. </p>
<p>When they had grown a bit older, Loki’s sleeping habits had slowly slipped into unhealthier territories, often finding him spending days on end without sleep in order to master a more difficult spell, to study up before a council meeting, or simply for reasons Thor had never been privy to. </p>
<p>During the years they had spent apart, Thor was not certain as to if Loki had kicked the habit, though the memory of Loki’s eyes on Midgard, dark and sunken and gleaming with unfamiliar madness, led him to believe that he had not. </p>
<p>And now this, Loki not even bothering to show up for regular meals… </p>
<p>He could have been simply taking his meals in their rooms or in another secluded part of the ship, Thor reasoned with himself. There was no explicit reason to believe, necessarily, that Loki had stopped eating entirely. </p>
<p>It wouldn’t have been the first time that Loki had desired solitude, after all. Thor could remember a number of times, on Asgard, his brother had toted a meal off to the library or his own chambers when he simply wished to be left alone, for a while. </p>
<p>And yet, Thor could not help but worry, his own food suddenly appearing somewhat unappetizing as he continued to mull the problem over. </p>
<p>“I’m sure he’s fine, Thor.” Bruce was saying, already digging into his own meal and slurping one thick noodle loudly before continuing, “He disappears a lot, right?” </p>
<p>“Right,” Thor confirmed reluctantly, his mouth twisting into an unhappy frown. “But--” </p>
<p>He faltered, his throat suddenly thick as the image of Loki, doggedly pursuing a number of miniscule tasks throughout the ship in an attempt to avoid eating and sleeping, rose to the forefront of his mind. </p>
<p>It wasn’t healthy, Thor thought vehemently, but it was, undoubtedly, a method Loki would not hesitate to fall back on. </p>
<p>“I need to find him.” Thor declared, his seat scraping noisily against the floor as he stood and pushed his tray of rations hastily away. </p>
<p>“What?” Bruce blinked, one noodle hanging limply out the corner of his mouth as he blinked blankly up at Thor. “Loki?” </p>
<p>“Indeed.” Thor offered a small smile. “I apologize, friend. Perhaps we can continue this at another time.” </p>
<p>“Sure.” Bruce replied, studying Thor for another long moment before continuing, “Good luck with your, ah, brother.” </p>
<p>“I thank you, Bruce.” Thor nodded, once, before turning to hastily to begin his search. </p>
<p>In the hall just outside the room, Thor hesitated, smiling pleasantly at those attempting to squeeze past his brawn, which admittedly took up a majority of the narrow corridor, before he moved to press himself as far out of the way as the hall would allow. </p>
<p>He had no idea, he realized belatedly, where Loki might be hiding. </p>
<p>There was always the possibility that Loki had returned to their chambers, of course, confident enough that none of the others would be returning during the height of the afternoon. </p>
<p>It seemed unlikely, however. More obvious of a choice than Loki would have made ordinarily, at any rate. </p>
<p>And, while there were plenty of more or less undisturbed corridors and storerooms on the ship, Thor had begun to feel a bit dizzy at the prospect of having to visit each one in search of his wayward brother. </p>
<p>The brief deterrence did little to discourage him entirely, however, and Thor took a deep breath, allowing his eye to fall briefly shut before he took a step forward--</p>
<p>Only for a figure to run headlong into him, causing him to stumble back a step, more in surprise than anything, with a soft, <em>oof</em>. </p>
<p>“Excuse--” the familiar voice cut abruptly off, and Thor lifted his head with just enough time to catch Loki falling back a step also, his gaze already skittering frantically behind Thor’s shoulder toward the hall behind, as if noting every escape route available to him. </p>
<p>“Loki,” Thor cut in, taking a step forward to effectively block any chance of his brother fleeing. </p>
<p>At least, by conventional methods. </p>
<p>“Thor,” Loki returned evenly, and jerked an overly polite nod “I apologize.” </p>
<p>“That is not--” Thor began, before cutting himself off and taking the rare opportunity of stillness between them to study his brother. </p>
<p>Loki was pale, he realized, though this was hardly a deviation from the norm. However, the circles beneath his eyes seemed darker, and Thor could have sworn that the hollows beneath his cheekbones had deepend slightly, as well. </p>
<p>It was only then that Thor noted the items piled in Loki’s arms, held tightly and carefully against his chest. </p>
<p>A number of bandages, a few packets of gauze and--</p>
<p>Thor swallowed. </p>
<p>And a few bundles of herbs. </p>
<p>“Are you unwell?” Thor inquired, his gaze flickering uncertainly between Loki’s wan features and the supplies held in his grip. </p>
<p>Loki blinked. “I--” he swallowed slightly, his own eyes falling, briefly, before he returned Thor’s gaze steadily. </p>
<p>“I am quite well, thank you.” he replied, evenly and with little emotion behind the words. </p>
<p>Thor frowned. “Don’t.” he murmured, suddenly exhausted. “Don’t be like that.” </p>
<p>“Like what?” Loki replied, raising his brows blandly. </p>
<p>“Like--” Thor began, before forcing himself to release a long exhale through his nose before continuing. </p>
<p>“You’re carrying medical supplies.” he elaborated pointedly. </p>
<p>Loki blinked, his gaze flickering down to the items in his arms as if he were surprised to find them there.</p>
<p>“Am I?” he replied, at length. “Look at that.” </p>
<p>“Stop.” Thor shook his head, slightly. “I’ve had enough of your deflections.” </p>
<p>“I’m sure you have.” Loki returned, smiling coolly before making as if to skirt around where Thor was stood. </p>
<p>Quickly, before he could consider the action, Thor shot a hand out to grasp tightly as Loki’s elbow, ignoring how his brother’s eyes widened slightly at the contact. </p>
<p>“Loki, no.” he snapped. “You do not get to walk away.” he softened, then, unable to ignore Loki’s tensing beneath his hand, and added on a murmur, “Not this time.” </p>
<p>Loki seemed to hesitate another moment, before he turned to give Thor his full attention with obvious reluctance. </p>
<p>“I’m running supplies, if you must know.” he informed drily, his features drawn tight and unreadable. “Taking inventory. If you had bothered to pay any attention during the last council meeting, you might know that.” he added on a mutter. </p>
<p>Thor blinked, his brows furrowing slightly when Loki’s words caught up with him. </p>
<p>“You’re--” he paused, shuffling slightly from foot to foot, and released his hold entirely, then. </p>
<p>“You’re not injured, then?” he inquired softly, a bit of (admittedly ill-advised) hope beginning to flutter in the space between his ribs as Loki rolled his eyes in an all too familiar gesture. </p>
<p>“Obviously.” Loki snapped, rolling his shoulders slightly as his gaze drifted slightly before snapping back to meet Thor’s. </p>
<p>“And--and your friend?” Thor inquired politely, thinking suddenly of the child in the infirmary Loki had spoken of weeks before. “The boy?” </p>
<p>
Something in Loki’s expression shifted, almost as if he were surprised by Thor’s remembering the conversation at all, before he resumed his previously blank look. </p>
<p>“Modi is well.” he offered, after a beat. “He was discharged over a week ago.” </p>
<p>“That’s great news!” Thor cheered, feeling only slightly foolish when Loki raised a bland brow at the words. </p>
<p>He knew, after all, that Loki must have shared his sentiments. </p>
<p>“No doubt.” Loki replied, before his gaze flickered again to the hall behind Thor. </p>
<p>“May I pass?” he inquired, at length, both brows raising when Thor faltered. </p>
<p>“I do not pretend to hold any power that might stop you.” Thor responded, taking a step to the side and gesturing expectantly to the hall beyond when Loki hesitated, visibly shocked at the ease of which he had gotten his way, no doubt. </p>
<p>“Yes, well,” Loki faltered, his own features creasing into a small frown before he met Thor’s eye evenly. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Thor replied, allowing Loki to pass before calling after him, “I should like to spend some more time together, brother!” </p>
<p><em>To fix things</em>, were the words that went unspoken, though Thor knew that Loki heard them as well as he, if not better.  </p>
<p>Immediately, Loki stilled, his shoulders tensing visibly before he turned to meet Thor’s gaze curiously over his own shoulder. </p>
<p>“Yes,” he murmured, finally, a small and yet not <em>entirely </em>ingenuine smile gracing his features. “I suppose you would.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i apologize to everyone for the late update! got stuck in the Middle of Nowhere USA last night and haven't had time/battery to update. hope y'all enjoy! </p>
<p>(&amp;&amp; if y'all feel like keeping me entertained while i wait for my flight for another couple hours, please feel free to message/prompt me at <a href="http://littlekinng.tumblr">my blog!</a> </p>
<p>thanks sm to everyone reading and commenting so far!! xx love to you all</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. "I love you," "Why?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thor comes to a dismal realization, the Valkyrie offers some insight, and the brothers have a conversation that brings a disheartening truth to light.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>bit of a longer chapter a day early, to make up for the late update last week! xx</p>
<p>tw/chapter warnings: detailed descriptions of eating disorders and panic attacks. stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite Loki’s apparent indifference, things did begin to improve between the two of them. </p>
<p>As much as Thor could have realistically hoped for, at any rate. </p>
<p>Loki began to speak up again, in council meetings especially, even going so far as to meet Thor’s gaze on occasion, a small smile gracing his features when Thor offered a hopeful one of his own. </p>
<p>He had begun to settle into bed at a reasonable time, as well, no longer seeming to fear the company of Thor or his companions as he made himself comfortable on the sleeping pad in his secluded corner of their chambers. </p>
<p>And, after nearly another week, he began to converse unprompted with Thor, again, in what was more or less a casual manner. Often seeking his brother out to share a report, or a story from his day that he found particularly humorous. </p>
<p>Under any other circumstances, Thor would have been happy to leave it at that, pleased at the very least that Loki was making an obvious attempt to repair things between the two of them. </p>
<p>It was the first time in a very long while that Thor could remember him having done so, and the gesture was certainly not unwelcome. </p>
<p>Loki had improved, certainly, in spite of everything. </p>
<p>And yet Thor found that he could not fully appreciate the shift. </p>
<p>Not when Loki had continued to avoid joining any of them in the dining hall for the two weeks. </p>
<p>And not when Thor had noted that he had not taken any meals for himself, at any other time of day. </p>
<p>After another week of Loki’s absences during meals, Thor had decided to take matters into his own hands, and had made a visit to the kitchens on the ship, only for his stomach to churn unpleasantly at the reply he received in response to his inquiries. </p>
<p>“Prince Loki has not visited or requested rations personally.” one of the attendants within the kitchen informed him, bowing so low her hair nearly brushed the floor. “Though he was here counting stock, a few days ago. I--I apologize…” she tacked on, when Thor’s expression darkened considerably. </p>
<p>“No need.” Thor had dismissed, frowning as the reality of the situation began to set in.</p>
<p>Loki was not eating. That much was clear. </p>
<p>What was less clear, therefore, was the reasoning behind such a decision. </p>
<p>“Are we running low on rations?” Thor had asked, at one point, taking care to catch Loki off guard while he was distracted by the book that was propped open in his lap. </p>
<p>Loki had blinked, and a long moment passed wherein he simply continued to stare at his book, before he glanced up to grace Thor with a blank expression from where he was curled into the plush chair in the corner of their chambers.</p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“The rations.” Thor had repeated, his stomach settling uncomfortably when Loki’s expression tightened further at the words. “Are we running low?” </p>
<p>The idea that Loki had begun to skimp on his own meals to ensure that there was enough to go around was not a wholly negative concept, Thor considered, though he’d sooner see Loki taking better care of himself and simply voicing his concerns about the lack of food to the council or Thor himself. </p>
<p>Loki had, however, always had the tendency to be foolishly silent about issues he believed himself to be capable of resolving on his own. Perhaps he thought that this was about proving himself; a chance to show the council (and, by default, Thor) that he was capable of solving problems within the kingdom, rather than simply causing them. </p>
<p>Almost as soon as the idea had occurred to Thor, however, he had dismissed it. </p>
<p>It had been far too long since Loki had bothered proving himself to anyone. Rather, he seemed now to live in a perpetual state of expecting those around him to either outwardly renounce or simply suffer him in silence, and had almost seemed to come to enjoy this newfound outlook on life. </p>
<p>(Whether or not this was simply another facade, however, remained to be seen). </p>
<p>So no, Thor had decided. This wasn’t about Loki proving himself. </p>
<p>And, as it turned out, there was not much of a problem for him to independently solve, at any rate. </p>
<p>“No.” Loki had responded to Thor’s question, a small furrow working itself between his curiously arched brows. </p>
<p>“Oh.” Thor had replied, stupidly, his heart sinking further as he turned away and began to gnaw at the inside of one cheek, left suddenly with far more questions than he had entered the conversation with. </p>
<p>A not wholly unfamiliar feeling, when it came to conversations with Loki, to Thor’s endless chagrin. </p>
<p>“Any particular reason you’ve a sudden interest in our supply inventory?” Loki was asking, and Thor did not have to turn to know that he was watching him with a shrewd and calculating gaze. </p>
<p>“Is it so unheard of for a king to inquire about the wellbeing of his people?” Thor had responded, though the excuse had seemed flimsy and weak even to his own ears, not at all helped by the fact that he had not yet turned to meet Loki’s gaze. </p>
<p>“Not at all.” Loki had replied, closing the book in his hands with a decided <em>snap </em>before he had stood gracefully and made to cross the room toward the exit. “For you, however?” </p>
<p>Thor had scoffed, though Loki’s teasing had held little of its usual lightness, the words far more cutting than they had been, in recent months. </p>
<p>“Perhaps.” he agreed with a hum, and finally turned to watch as Loki was approaching. “But--” </p>
<p>“The rations are fine.” Loki interrupted, smoothly, stopping briefly at Thor’s side and tilting his chin up slightly so the two were almost eye to eye, noses only inches apart. “Though we do not have another stop to restock planned for a fortnight at best, so over excess might not be advisable, at present. If,” he raised both brows when Thor had opened his mouth to argue. “That is why you are asking.” </p>
<p>“It--Loki--” Thor had begun, only to be silenced by the steely warning look Loki shot him. </p>
<p>“It is not.” he had finally replied, his mouth thinning into a thin line of displeasure. </p>
<p>“Good.” Loki had returned curtly, the word almost like a warning, before he strode past Thor and out the chamber door. </p>
<p>It was, Thor reflected, one of their more terse conversations since Sakaar, and he winced now to consider that it had been the second in less than two weeks. </p>
<p>That, and it had not at all brought him any closer to determining <em>why </em>Loki was not eating. </p>
<p>“Still pouting, Majesty?” Val’s voice drew Thor roughly from the memory, and he turned to offer her a small smile as she collapsed onto the sofa beside him. </p>
<p>A small, apparently entirely unconvincing smile. </p>
<p>“Oh no,” Val muttered, reaching beside her as if to grab at a bottle and, seeming to realize that she had neglected to bring one with her, scowled slightly. “You definitely are.” </p>
<p>“I’m not pouting.” Thor replied, somewhat mulishly. </p>
<p>“I couldn’t think of anything else to call that look if I tried.” Val pointed out. </p>
<p>
“I’m <em>not</em>.” Thor insisted. “I’m pissed off.” </p>
<p>“Didn’t say you weren’t.” Val shrugged, reaching down to her belt and grinning widely when she found what sounded like a half-full flask secured there. “Aha!” she muttered, and took a healthy swig before turning back to Thor. “Assuming it’s about baby brother, then?” </p>
<p><em>When is it not?</em> Thor felt like replying, though he opted to nod simply, instead. </p>
<p>“Figured.” Val nodded, narrowing her eyes as if mulling the problem over with him. “Is he still not talking to you?” she inquired, at last. “I thought things had--y’know. Gotten better.” </p>
<p>“They have, for the most part.” Thor replied with another nod of his own, and leaned forward so he could rest both elbows upon his knees as he studied the mass of stars out the wide window before them. “I just…” he paused, unsure of how much he should reveal, at present. </p>
<p>If Loki ever discovered that Thor had shared personal details (factual or no) about him with the Valkyrie, Thor had no doubt that the repercussions would make the past few weeks of silence look like a child’s pouting, comparatively. </p>
<p>(Not that this wasn’t how a lot of Loki’s tantrums often felt). </p>
<p>“I don’t know.” Thor finally trailed off with a sigh. “Perhaps I’m imagining things.” </p>
<p>To his surprise, Val tensed slightly beside him, the shift so small it was almost imperceptible. </p>
<p>“What sort of things?” she asked, at length, her tone held carefully even. </p>
<p>Thor turned to give her a puzzled look. </p>
<p>“I--” he began, almost expecting her to interrupt him and, when she did not, tentatively continued, “I’m not sure he’s well.” </p>
<p>If possible, the Valkyrie’s shoulders stilled further, an unreadable expression flickering briefly across her face before she schooled it into something more neutral. </p>
<p>“What makes you say that?” she probed, fumbling slightly with her flask before drawing it to her lips. </p>
<p>“He--” Thor hesitated, still a bit reluctant to reveal the information, before he forced himself to admit, “I do not believe he is eating.” </p>
<p>“Shit!” Val replied, the exclamation nearly overlapping the end of Thor’s sentence, and took another long drag from the flask before she pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. “<em>Fuck</em>.” </p>
<p>“You know something.” Thor stated more than asked, a bit of fury beginning to spark within his chest at the realization. “Something I don’t.” </p>
<p>“I wasn’t going to tell.” Val groaned, dragging one hand across her face before straightening slightly. </p>
<p>“Did Loki make you swear that?” Thor growled. </p>
<p>“I promised <em>him</em>.” Val snapped. “Like your brother could <em>make </em>me do anything.” </p>
<p>“What did you promise?” Thor interjected, unwilling to allow this particular conversation to veer off into another squabble between the Valkyrie and his brother. </p>
<p>“He--” Val began, eyeing him warily before wincing. “You’re going to be angry.” </p>
<p>“I’m already angry.” Thor reminded her. “And I will continue to be so until I have had my answer.” </p>
<p>“Alright, Highness.” Val made a face. “No need to pull out the kingly tone.” </p>
<p>Thor hesitated, holding his ground firmly for another long moment before he deflated with a small sigh. </p>
<p>“I know.” he admitted, “And I apologize, but Val…” he kept his tone low and warning. “if it concerns Loki’s wellbeing, I would know sooner rather than later.” </p>
<p>“I know.” Val replied, eyeing him considerably for so long a moment Thor fought the urge to shift uncomfortably beneath her gaze, before she shrugged and continued, “I walked in on him this morning. He wasn’t expecting me, and he looked…” she frowned slightly, his features pinching together in thought. “Different.” she finally settled on. </p>
<p>“Different how?” Thor shook his head slightly in confusion. </p>
<p>“Wrong,” Val informed, casually, as if the word was not enough to send a bolt of pure fear through Thor’s heart. “He was pale--more than usual, anyway. And he looked...sunken, I guess? Like, really thin.” she grimaced, slightly, and glanced briefly at Thor’s no doubt stricken expression. “He noticed me, of course.” she rolled her eyes. “And did a quick magic-thing. Think it was a sort of glamour.” </p>
<p>Thor felt his heart sink ever further at the words. Of course, of <em>course </em>Loki had also fallen back on the old habit of hiding any weakness behind a glamour. </p>
<p>He wasn’t entirely sure Loki had ever stopped, come to think of it. </p>
<p>“He seemed shaken.” Val continued with a small, humorless snort. “Think it was the first time I’ve ever successfully unnerved him. And--” she paused, glancing briefly at Thor, again. “He asked what I was going to do, now that I had the information.” </p>
<p>Val snorted, again, looking vaguely considering. “I didn’t even know what information I <em>had</em>, exactly. He was just shocked enough to say the first thing that came to his mind, I think.” </p>
<p>A brief silence fell between the two of them, then, and Thor felt his left leg beginning to bounce slightly as it stretched on. </p>
<p>“And what did you tell him?” he finally prodded. “Val--” </p>
<p>“I told him that I wouldn’t tell you.” Val responded with a small shrug. “I knew that was his main concern, anyway. You could tell just by looking at him.” </p>
<p>Thor wasn’t entirely sure how to take that, so he simply remained silent and nodded for Val to go on, which she did, after a moment. </p>
<p>“He seemed pretty relieved.” she informed, “Before I told him that I <em>would </em>tell you, if he didn’t get his act together and do something about--whatever it is.” she made a face. “He didn’t like that.” </p>
<p>That, at least, was a piece of the puzzle that fit neatly. Loki would hardly have taken well to such a barter, especially from someone he knew would follow through with their end of the deal without hesitation.</p>
<p>“And then he just left.” Val gestured helplessly with one hand and rolled her eyes. “Like he always does.” </p>
<p>“I understand.” Thor responded after a moment, partially because he did, and partially for lack of anything better to say to fill the silence. </p>
<p>He should be angry, he realized distantly. Angry that Val had kept something this important from him. Angry that <em>Loki </em>had kept something like this from him.</p>
<p>Angry that he had to be informed by someone else that something <em>was </em>truly wrong with his brother. And that, even after all this time, Thor couldn’t always tell when he was using one of his glamours to hide something. </p>
<p>And yet all Thor could feel was that familiar, gnawing worry, mingled with the vague confusion that had been lingering for the past two weeks. </p>
<p>“You’re handling this remarkably well.” Val was saying, and she was eyeing Thor warily when he turned back to meet her gaze. </p>
<p>“I know.” Thor replied with as stern a look as he could muster. </p>
<p>“You can’t scold me about this.” Val cut in, quickly, squaring her shoulders slightly and giving Thor a hard look. “I was looking after him--technically.” </p>
<p>She shifted a little uncomfortably, then, leaning forward to rest both hands on her knees and gazing blankly out the window ahead for a moment. </p>
<p>“And I wasn’t sure what else to do.” she admitted, at length. “He looked--I don’t know. Like he might just <em>break </em>if I was any firmer.” </p>
<p>“I understand.” Thor repeated. “And I thank you, for acting in his best interest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Val blinked, looking slightly taken aback before she recovered herself enough to smile crookedly. “Don’t expect it to happen again.” </p>
<p>“I certainly will not.” Thor laughed, before sobering slightly as the beginnings of an idea began to register at the back of his mind. </p>
<p>“You don’t need to stay here with me.” Val muttered, and took another swig from the quickly emptying flask as she turned again to study the stars out the wide window. “I think I saw him heading back to the room for the night.” </p>
<p>“Thank you.” Thor repeated, before standing and, after offering Val a small nod, turning to be on his way. </p>
<p>He hadn’t made it 10 feet before Val’s voice piped up from behind. </p>
<p>“Highness?” </p>
<p>Thor paused, glancing briefly over his shoulder to where Val was still perched on the edge of the sofa, something almost like concern furrowing the space between her brows. </p>
<p>“Don’t be too hard on him.” she called, before turning her attention to the window. </p>
<p>And, in spite of himself, Thor huffed a small smile. </p>
<p>“I can make no promises.” he responded, before turning to exit, the sound of the Valkyrie’s soft laughter following him out. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>After a brief detour to the kitchens, Thor was stood before the door to his chambers, a bowl of thin soup cradled carefully in one hand as he raised the other to knock. </p>
<p>Only to draw up short, his fist hovering inches away from the metal of the door as he took a moment to consider what it was he was about to do. </p>
<p>Were Loki actually inside, and Thor entered to confront him, he would no doubt offer little more than a sharp dismissal or a berating comment about Thor’s misguided pity. </p>
<p>And, not only was this an outcome Thor did not feel particularly up to facing, at present, but it was also one that would, more likely than not, end in another indefinite period of tension and silence between them. </p>
<p>The thought of more silence, more <em>indifference</em>, between them was almost enough to make Thor turn on his heel and hasten back the way he had come, minding his own business (a move Loki was sure to approve of) and allowing whatever might be happening with his brother to sort itself out on its own. </p>
<p>Then again, when had such a lack of action yielded an outcome favorable for anyone, in the past? </p>
<p>Thor thought briefly of the two years Loki had spent silently in his cell on Asgard while Thor had steadfastly avoided even going near the dungeons, his heart twisting sharply each time he had considered visiting.</p>
<p><em>“Nothing I could do will change anything,”</em> Thor had told himself, then, so often repeated it had almost become a personal mantra. </p>
<p>And look where that had left them; Loki laid out in the sandy wastes of Svartalfheim, the life draining out of him, only to avoid telling Thor that he had survived the experience for nearly four years following. </p>
<p>No, Thor decided. He would not allow himself to follow that pattern, again. </p>
<p>Unbidden, the Valkyrie’s words from earlier that evening replayed in Thor’s mind, hesitant and yet entirely certain. </p>
<p>
  <em>Wrong… </em>
</p>
<p>Thor felt something within him shift unpleasantly at the memory, and he took a deep breath through his nose before stepping forward and raising his hand again in preparation to knock. </p>
<p>“If you’re going to oscillate out there all day,” a voice from the other side of the metal spoke before Thor could so much as lower his fist. “Then you may as well just come in.” </p>
<p>Thor blinked, slightly taken aback, before he schooled his expression into one of steely determination and reached out to let himself into the room. </p>
<p>“Since when does the mighty Thor knock before entering his own chambers?” Loki drawled as the door slid shut behind Thor, raising one brow languidly as he glanced up from the papers piled in his lap. </p>
<p>“Since he is not certain whether or not he would be welcome within them.” Thor returned, working to keep his tone cool and casual as he approached Loki’s perch. </p>
<p>His effort was almost immediately paid off, for Loki simply blinked owlishly in response, clearly thrown by the answer.</p>
<p>“Alright,” Loki replied, at length, recovering himself quickly enough and cocking his head curiously to one side. “And since when is a king not welcome within his own chambers?”</p>
<p>“Since they are otherwise occupied by a most impudent brother.” Thor replied with a small smile and, ignoring Loki’s wide and somewhat wild look, continued forward until he was able to kneel at the armchair’s side. </p>
<p>“Loki,” he murmured, ignoring the sharp inhale Loki audibly took at the sudden invasion of his space. “Drop your magic.” </p>
<p>
“I--” Loki began, his brow furrowing slightly, a brief uncertainty flickering over his features before he offered a look of exaggerated bewilderment. </p>
<p>“Once again, you lack sense, brother.” he chided, his mouth twisting into a hollow mockery of a grin as he released a small huff of laughter. “I don’t pretend to know--” </p>
<p>“<em>Loki</em>,” Thor interrupted, his tone held firm but not unkind, though Loki’s gaze snapped to meet his immediately, the smile melting off his face as his shoulders tensed visibly. </p>
<p>“Loki,” Thor repeated, softer now, “No more tricks.” he hesitated, before dropping his voice into a pleading murmur. </p>
<p>“Please.” </p>
<p>A beat passed, then, as Loki simply eyed Thor as if he had lost his mind entirely, before he deflated with a small exhale, the fight leaving him visibly as his eyes dulled over. </p>
<p>The next moment, a shimmer flickered briefly over his hunched form, and Thor was left observing an almost entirely different creature. </p>
<p>Whatever he had expected at the Valkyrie’s description, this was far, far worse. </p>
<p>Loki’s features were drawn, the circles stamped beneath his dull and sunken eyes nearly purple in their darkness. His cheekbones were hollowed, worse than Thor could remember seeing them since Midgard, possibly even more so. </p>
<p>His shoulders were hunched beneath the unkempt, greasy curls of hair that hung limply over each, and Thor felt his stomach lurch at the sharp bones he could see just barely beginning to protrude beneath his tunic there. </p>
<p>The worst, however, was Loki’s hands, each nearly skeletal and seemingly covered in only a thin gauze of papery skin, fidgeting together in his lap as if he expected Thor to reprimand him harshly. </p>
<p>And perhaps that was what he ought to do, Thor mused distantly. Perhaps he ought to shout and scold and reach forward to <em>shake </em>some sense into his damned foolish brother. </p>
<p>Now, however? Looking at the hunched and shriveled creature in the chair before him? </p>
<p>Thor felt only pity. </p>
<p>Pity, and a surge of love so strong he nearly wept with the force of it. </p>
<p>“Loki,” he whispered, for what felt like the millionth time, and knelt forward to clasp one of his brother’s bony knees beneath his hand. “Brother,” </p>
<p>“Is this what you wanted?” Loki interrupted, his tone reedy and somewhat exhausted, and turned away to avoid Thor’s gaze in favor of studying the far wall. </p>
<p>“No,” Thor replied, shaking his head vehemently. “No, Loki. I would never want this.” he hesitated, and swallowed thickly before tacking on, “I only want to know <em>why</em>.” </p>
<p>Loki snorted suddenly, and Thor nearly drew back at the harsh and humorless sound. </p>
<p>“Why?” Loki repeated. “You speak as if you do not already know the answer.” </p>
<p>And, in spite of everything, Thor felt something old and familiar click within his mind at the words. </p>
<p>“Your tricks will not work this time.” he countered, and cast his brother a mildly chiding look before commanding, “Tell me why.” </p>
<p>“You order me as my king?” Loki sneered, his lip pulling back to reveal red and puffy gums. </p>
<p>“As your <em>brother, </em>I ask it.” Thor corrected. “Please, Loki.” </p>
<p>There was a pause, before Loki offered a small huff of breath. </p>
<p>“You wish to know ‘why’?” he inquired, to which Thor only nodded. </p>
<p>“Why?” Loki repeated, before glancing away again, this time to study his still fidgeting and vaguely trembling hands. “Well, why not?” </p>
<p>“That’s not an answer.” Thor retorted, at once, a bit of frustration beginning to bubble within his chest at Loki’s continued diversions. </p>
<p>“It is the best I can offer!” Loki snarled, his gaze snapping up suddenly to meet Thor’s head on. “Why must you always demand such specifics?” </p>
<p>“Why must you always muddy the truth, so?” Thor nearly roared. </p>
<p>“What do you want from me?” Loki cried, straightening in his seat to glare balefully down at Thor. </p>
<p>“I <em>want </em>to know why you are insistent upon starving yourself!” Thor burst out, realizing his mistake only seconds too late when Loki blinked in surprise before his features shuttered visibly. </p>
<p>“Is that all?” he replied, at length, tone held carefully cool and neutral. </p>
<p>“Yes, that’s <em>all</em>.” Thor growled. “Loki--” </p>
<p>“Why not?” Loki interrupted, his gaze skittering away to avoid Thor’s, again. </p>
<p>“Is that all you are capable of saying?” Thor whispered, his heart twisting at Loki’s continued indifference. </p>
<p>“I truly don’t know how else to answer.” Loki replied with a small shrug, still not turning to meet Thor’s gaze. “It seemed like the thing to do at the time.” he added, at last, as if this would explain everything. </p>
<p>On the contrary, Thor considered bitterly, he felt even more at a loss than before. </p>
<p>“I don’t understand.” he admitted, after a beat, his stomach sinking when Loki barked a weak, yet harsh, laugh in return. </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t.” he muttered. “And I do not expect you to.” </p>
<p>“I would,” Thor began, hopefully, and leaned up to eagerly press one hand to Loki’s knee again. “If you would explain; would at least <em>talk </em>to me.” </p>
<p>Loki snorted again, though the sound was somewhat softer and more disappointed, now. </p>
<p>“You would not.” he murmured, again. “Nor would I wish you to.” </p>
<p>Thor blinked, and he felt a heavy disappointment beginning to settle in his stomach like a stone, before a distant realization struck him.</p>
<p>There was only so far he could press in one evening, and tonight had been more than he had almost ever achieved with Loki, he considered. </p>
<p>Loki had yet to run. Had yet to lash out or divert or <em>stab </em>Thor in an attempt to reroute the conversation, or escape entirely. </p>
<p>On the contrary, he seemed almost tense, as if waiting on bated breath for Thor to make the next move as he mentally calculated how he might react, when it came his turn to do so. </p>
<p>Like he was carefully, tentatively, placing control of the conversation into <em>Thor’s </em>hands. </p>
<p>Such a concept was almost unheard of, and Thor very nearly gaped visibly at the realization.</p>
<p>However, not wanting to push his luck so far that he forced his brother to flee, Thor steeled himself before taking the only logical next step he could think of. </p>
<p>He reached to his side, scooped up the bowl of soup he had deposited there earlier, and extended it to a weary looking Loki. </p>
<p>“Perhaps not.” Thor murmured, and offered a small, hopeful smile. “But I would ask that you humor me enough to take this.” </p>
<p>Loki hesitated, his glance flickering between Thor and the proffered meal as he wrinkled his nose in distaste. </p>
<p>“Why?” he questioned, at last. </p>
<p>Thor raised one brow pointedly, but refrained from scolding his brother too harshly. </p>
<p>It would, he considered blandly, do him little good, at any rate. </p>
<p>“Call it a favor.” he replied, and only offered an innocent smile when Loki shot him a disbelieving look. </p>
<p>The latter hesitated, then, his hands halfway outstretched and trembling visibly as he seemed to consider whether or not he wanted to accept the proffered meal. </p>
<p>“If it’s not to your liking,” Thor began, making a show of drawing the food an inch back toward himself with an exaggerated frown. “I can always--”</p>
<p>“It’s fine.” Loki snapped, leaning forward entirely, now, to scoop the still warm bowl out of Thor’s grasp, his gaze turning slightly sour when Thor beamed in response. </p>
<p>Loki seemed to pause briefly, then, his gaze falling blankly to the contents of the bowl as his features paled, slightly. </p>
<p>“It’s hardly more than a light broth.” Thor reassured. </p>
<p>He had taken great care, after all, to ensure that the rations he had chosen had not been too flavorful, nor too heavy. </p>
<p>If Loki had not eaten in over a fortnight, well… </p>
<p>He would need as light a meal as possible, were he to successfully keep it down. </p>
<p>“It’s fine.” Loki repeated with a small frown, clumsily grasping the spoon with one hand before drawing a spoonful hesitantly to his mouth. </p>
<p>And though he attempted to mask it, Thor expected that his eagerness was apparent as he watched the progress, eye held wide, only for his heart to sink when, as soon as the spoonful had touched Loki’s lips, his brother grimaced and made an exaggerated choking noise. </p>
<p>No, not choking, Thor considered as his own throat tightened, it was more like <em>gagging</em>. </p>
<p>“Brother!” Thor cried, surging upward onto his knees and reaching out to place a comforting hand on Loki’s back. “Are you alright?” </p>
<p>“It’s <em>fine</em>.” Loki repeated for a third time, though Thor did not miss the bright sheen that had begun to film over his eyes as he seemed to heave for breath. “It--it--” </p>
<p>“Take your time.” Thor soothed, feeling entirely out of his depth as Loki continued to gasp beside him. “<em>Breathe</em>, Loki. It’s alright.” </p>
<p>“You can do it.” Thor whispered, at length, when Loki had begun to steady himself, his eyes fluttering closed as he drew a sharp inhale through his nose. “You can do this, Loki.” </p>
<p>“I know, you oaf.” Loki muttered, an almost imperceptible smile quirking at the edge of his mouth as he shot Thor a weakly wry look, before he moved forward and quickly, as if to avoid overthinking the action, scooped a spoonful of the broth into his mouth and swallowed thickly. </p>
<p>“That’s it!” Thor praised, running the hand still on Loki’s shoulder up and down his back soothingly. “You’re doing well.” </p>
<p>“Shut up, Thor.” Loki murmured, though there was no real heat behind the words, before taking another small bite. </p>
<p>They sat like that as Loki sipped a few more spoonfuls, Thor murmuring gentle encouragements while Loki kept his gaze carefully averted, though he did not move from beneath Thor’s touch even once. </p>
<p>All too soon for Thor’s liking, Loki slowed in his eating, and he passed the bowl to Thor with less than half the soup having been eaten. </p>
<p>Knowing better than to push his luck, however, Thor simply deposited the bowl onto the floor beside himself before continuing to rub lightly at Loki’s back, his heart tightening as he felt the knobs of his brother’s spine beneath his fingers. </p>
<p>“That was well done.” Thor whispered.</p>
<p>Loki only hummed, his face pinched into a solemn frown as he shifted to curl both his arms uncomfortably around his middle. </p>
<p>“Truly, brother.” Thor continued, “I’m proud of you.” he did not miss the way Loki’s face flushed slightly at the words, and he inhaled softly before hastily tacking on, “I <em>love </em>you.” </p>
<p>To Thor’s surprise, Loki hardly responded beyond a soft, weary sounding sigh, his shoulders hunching further beneath Thor’s hand as his brow furrowed slightly. </p>
<p>“Why?” he finally croaked, his bottom lip quivering almost imperceptibly before he bit down on it forcefully. </p>
<p>And this, Thor considered as he offered a small and reassuring smile; <em>this </em>was a question he was well prepared to answer. </p>
<p>“Because you are my brother.” he replied, simply. “And you are worthy of it.” </p>
<p>Immediately, Loki’s eyes brightened, though he had yet to turn and meet Thor’s gaze, and his breaths began to leave him in short and shallow pants that echoed dimly in the room around them. </p>
<p>“You are a sentimental fool.” Loki hissed, after a long moment, though Thor did not miss the single, glistening tear that tracked down his sharp cheekbone as he spoke. </p>
<p>“Perhaps.” Thor hummed, and continued to rub soothingly at his brother’s shoulders. </p>
<p>They sat like that for another hour, at least, Loki inhaling deep, calming breaths and Thor remaining upright with his hand held steady at Loki’s back. </p>
<p>No further words were shared between them that night. And, though Thor knew that this was a conversation they would have to revisit in the future, for now they were alright. </p>
<p>For now, this was enough. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is absolutely one of my favorite chapters i've written so far. hope that you all enjoy!</p>
<p>author's note: i know the Valkyrie potentially didn't make the best decision in hiding Loki's state from Thor, and i know that she can be brash and prickly. please don't come for her, she's trying her best and i adore her </p>
<p>(as always, writing without a beta, so all mistakes are my own. thank you so very much to everyone who's left kudos and comments so far! love to all of you xx)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. an "I love you," met with silence.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thor manages to coax Loki into joining himself and their friends for a meal, though things do not turn out as well as he had hoped. </p>
<p>(or, Thor is still learning, Loki becomes overwhelmed, and the two hit another bump in the long road to recovery).</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>second to last chapter is finally here! i'm so sorry again that it's so late!</p>
<p><b>chapter warnings!</b>: continued mentions of eating disorders, and a pretty realistic description of a panic attack. stay safe and take care of yourselves! xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a while, things seemed to be improving. </p>
<p>Well, things were manageable, at the very least. “Improving” did not seem to be a very linear path, when it came to Loki. </p>
<p>Loki continued to eat only when Thor prompted (of course, because nothing could ever solve itself <em>easily</em>), and he seemed to hold little desire to do so at all beyond silencing Thor’s complaints or, if he made a fuss, blatant pleas. </p>
<p>(And, as much as he wanted to ignore it, Thor knew beyond doubt that Loki was not making any effort to eat on his own, beside when Thor brought him meals). </p>
<p>Not to mention the fact that he would only ever consent to eating at all if the small meals Thor brought were offered singularly within the relative privacy of their rooms. </p>
<p>And, beyond council meetings and his usual errands, Loki had seldom left the space, opting to curl up with a book or his own notes, rather than stepping out to interact as he had just begun to do before all of…</p>
<p>All of whatever <em>this </em>was. </p>
<p>
And though he was not outwardly antagonistic to their companions, Loki had not, to Thor’s chagrin, at all gone out of his way to interact with any of them since Thor had confronted him about his…habits. </p>
<p>Rather, he had seemed more inclined to ignore their presence entirely, and more likely than not would have done the same with Thor, had he not remained dogged in his attempts for Loki’s attention and improvement as he had been. </p>
<p>Though this was not for any lack of effort, on Thor’s part. </p>
<p>“We are meeting tonight in the dining hall for dinner.” Thor had prompted at one point, simply to gauge Loki’s reaction, keeping his attention carefully focussed on where he was gathering his notes from the recently concluded council meeting and working to keep his expression light and hopeful. “Just myself and the Valkyrie!” he was quick to reassure, when Loki had failed to respond. “I had thought--If you would like to--” </p>
<p>“I’d just as soon return to my work.” Loki had interrupted coolly, and the dismissal would have seemed entirely casual, were it not for the way his shoulders tensed slightly from where he was sat at the other end of the table. “Not all of us can wile away our time with our companions, after all.” </p>
<p>And, under normal circumstances, Thor might have bristled at the remark, despite his knowing full well how typical it was for Loki to offer such a dismissal, when he wished to be left alone. </p>
<p>Rather than offer a reaction, however, Thor had simply nodded politely before turning to exit the room, knowing that any further argument would get them nowhere. </p>
<p>“Very well then, brother.” he had replied, “I will see you later on tonight, then.”</p>
<p>The words had been more a promise than anything and, true to form, Thor had returned to their shared chambers long before the others that night, a small meal in hand and a hopeful smile already on his face. </p>
<p>It was, Thor had considered in mild frustration as he had watched Loki struggle to finish even half of the meal, not quite the level of success he had wished to have reached, at this point. </p>
<p>However, it was progress, and Thor was reluctant to push his luck beyond the tremulous, silent truce they had already achieved. </p>
<p>Not that he was particularly pleased, nor successful in his attempts to remind himself to be <em>patient</em>.</p>
<p>For their progress had been almost painfully slow, and though Thor was overjoyed at seeing Loki slowly beginning to eat again (if only at his own insistence), he knew that there was so much <em>more </em>that they could be achieving. </p>
<p>And, naturally, helping Loki to reassume his previous routine seemed like an obvious place to start--</p>
<p>Even if it was something as small as simply convincing him to join them for meals in the dining hall, once again. </p>
<p>Determined as he was in the planned course of action, Thor had made to tackle the problem from a different angle not a week following the first attempt. </p>
<p>Which happened to be, of course, a rather difficult morning to broach the subject again. </p>
<p>“I’m fine, Thor.” Loki objected, and jerked his head back a bit when Thor extended the bowl of oatmeal a bit further toward him, seeming to fight the urge to scoot further back, where he was perched on the edge of Thor’s bed. “I’m truly not hungry.” </p>
<p>“You say that,” Thoro objected with a small frown. “Only because you do not know any better.” he swallowed, before raising both brows in a pleading gesture. “Please, Loki.” </p>
<p>“You needn’t use that tone.” Loki snapped, though he did finally accept the proffered meal with a small grumble. </p>
<p>“I would not, if I had any confidence that you might relent, otherwise.” Thor returned with a smirk, carefully watching as Loki took a tentative bite of the food. “Will you not join us for a meal today?” he inquired, at length, not missing the way Loki’s next mouthful froze just before reaching his mouth as he registered the words. </p>
<p>“I think not.” Loki replied, finally, allowing the spoon to fall back into the mostly full dish, to Thor’s dismay, and swallowed before attempting, “I have--” </p>
<p>“Do not relay to me your task list.” Thor interrupted, not harshly but firmly, nonetheless. “I know that you have finished more than half of it in the past two days.” </p>
<p>Loki seemed to falter slightly, his gaze flickering up to meet Thor’s briefly before it dropped to study the bowl in his hands. </p>
<p>“You speak almost as if you had made any effort to pay attention.” he muttered, after a moment. </p>
<p>“Only to defy your expectations.” Thor replied, smiling softly when Loki blinked up at him through his lashes in apparent surprise. </p>
<p>“Loki,” Thor began, after a beat, sighing slightly as he willed himself to continue past Loki’s already hardening expression. “I would have you rejoin us.”</p>
<p>“To what end?” Loki questioned, though the words were more tired, than anything. </p>
<p>“Why do you care?” </p>
<p>“Because I care about <em>you</em>, Loki.” Thor insisted, not missing the way Loki glanced hastily away at the admission. </p>
<p>“And,” Thor tacked on, before Loki could reply, “I think that it would do you good.” </p>
<p>“Is that so?” Loki huffed, and blinked a few times in rapid succession as his features twisted into a weak smile. “Pray tell, why would you believe that?” </p>
<p>“Because you have spent enough time avoiding others!” Thor snapped, despite his full recognition that raising his voice would hardly get him anywhere, when it came to his brother. </p>
<p>Particularly in the face of Loki’s persistent, bland disinterest on the matter. </p>
<p>“And that is a deviation from the norm?” Loki snorted, though there was little humor behind the words.</p>
<p>“No,” Thor confessed with a small, sorrowful sigh. “I suppose not. Only--” he hesitated, wringing both hands together and glancing up to offer his younger brother a soft, pleading expression.</p>
<p>“Only I wish that we could change that. That it might--might help.” </p>
<p>Loki snorted, again. “And so your ignorance remains rooted in a hope for impossible change.” </p>
<p>“Impossible only because you stubbornly continue to deem it so.” Thor countered, something within his stomach fluttering slightly when Loki hesitated visibly. </p>
<p>“I do not ask that you uproot your sense of comfort, entirely.” Thor ventured, at length, noting mentally the way Loki’s eyes narrowed as he continued, “I only ask that you make an effort. For me.”</p>
<p>
And, when Loki opened his mouth as if to argue, Thor quickly interrupted to insist, “If only for tonight!” </p>
<p>There was a beat, before Loki exhaled a sharp breath, his features pinching into an exaggerated frown as he thrust the near-untouched bowl of oatmeal back into Thor’s hands. </p>
<p>“Then I’d best attend to the tasks that were previously on my agenda, today.” he declared, rising to his feet and giving Thor a pointed look. “If I am to be so subjected to an evening of frivolity.” </p>
<p>Something within Thor’s chest loosened slightly at the words, a long breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding leaving him in a rush of air. </p>
<p>“Thank you.” he called, before Loki could flee the chambers entirely, and offered a small smile when his brother turned back to study him warily. “I look forward to it.” </p>
<p>Loki hesitated, before simply rolling his eyes in reply and turning on one heel to exit the chambers. </p>
<p>It was not a guarantee, Thor was well aware, and hardly promising, at that. </p>
<p>And yet, for what it was, it was close enough to a glimmer of hope that Thor found himself  carrying on the rest of the afternoon with a small smile on his face, and a lightness in his chest that had not occupied the space in what felt like years. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“That’s bullshit!” Val cried, nearly overturning her bowl of soup as he slammed both hands on the table in her outrage. </p>
<p>“I know!” Bruce returned, his lips turning up into a reluctant grin. “But I swear, it’s true.”</p>
<p>“Bruce,” Val began, her tone taking on a somewhat warning edge, “You cannot tell me that the story you’ve been telling us every night for the past <em>month</em>,” he raised one brow pointedly. “Ends like this.” </p>
<p>“Oh, it doesn’t!” Bruce was quick to reassure, both hands rising in a placating gesture from where he was sat across the table. “This is barely halfway through.” </p>
<p>“But <em>how </em>is he Luke’s father?” Val demanded. “Why didn’t we know sooner?”</p>
<p>“I uh--” Bruce chuckled a little wryly. “I think that’s the point.” </p>
<p>“But it doesn’t make any <em>sense</em>.” </p>
<p>Thor turned to face Loki, then, opening his mouth to comment on the interaction before them before he closed it with a snap, his stomach falling as he studied his brother. </p>
<p>Loki was sat with his chin propped lazily in one hand, glancing mulishly down at his soup and poking at it in apparent disinterest. </p>
<p>Any casual passerby would have taken him for a bored and reluctant participant in the conversation taking place at their table, though Thor knew better.</p>
<p>He knew to recognize the way Loki’s shoulders were held stiffly, carefully, as if he were preparing to be addressed (or <em>mocked</em>, Thor thought dismally) at any moment. </p>
<p>Knew to recognize how Loki’s hands trembled vaguely as he continued to prod at his near-untouched food, the very edges of his features almost green as he considered the meal. </p>
<p>This had been stupid, Thor registered distantly. Loki had hardly reached the point of being able to finish a full meal in the past week, and that had been in the seclusion of their private chambers with Thor there to coax and cheer him along at each bite. </p>
<p>Why then, had Thor expected him to ease seamlessly back into dining effortlessly in the company of their friends, and with an audience beyond, besides? </p>
<p>It had been a blind hope, Thor considered as his heart sank further. He had been blinded, again, by his determination to make things right, and his own impatience for things to return back to a sense of comfort and normalcy. </p>
<p>And comfort for who? Certainly not Loki.</p>
<p>No, Thor thought dourly, it had been his own comfort that he had striven for, in his own eagerness and impatience, and Loki’s he had blatantly disregarded, yet again. </p>
<p>Determined now to set his brother at ease, however, Thor leaned a bit closer to speak. </p>
<p>“Apparently, this Va-daar is the famous Luke Skywalker’s father.” Thor murmured to Loki, over the Valkyrie’s continued protests. “Even though the two have been fighting since Luke left his home.” </p>
<p>Loki rolled his eyes slightly, though he did not react beyond that, instead continuing to poke listlessly at his soup with his spoon. </p>
<p>“I’m aware,” he drawled, under his breath, “I’ve known since the second installment of the story Banner graced us with.” </p>
<p>“But--” Thor gaped, slightly, his mouth falling open as he struggled to comprehend the words. “<em>How?</em>” </p>
<p>Loki blinked, seemingly genuinely surprised. “I thought it was obvious?” </p>
<p>“It wasn’t <em>obvious</em>.” Val cut in, seemingly picking up on the conversation between the two and scowling in frustration. “Why would it be obvious?” </p>
<p>“Well,” Loki intoned, slowly and patiently as if he were speaking to a particularly slow child, “It was incredibly obvious that he was adopted, at any rate. The monstrous villain turning out to be his father was the only logical next step.” </p>
<p>A heavy silence settled over the group, then, and Thor flinched visibly before the words seemed to sink in. </p>
<p>“Loki,” he began, at length, his stomach twisting so violently he very nearly felt the urge to vomit up his own dinner. </p>
<p>“I--” Loki began, swallowing audibly before he shoved his near full bowl of soup away from himself so roughly nearly half of it splattered onto the table below. “I seem to have overstayed my welcome.” </p>
<p>“<em>Loki</em>,” Thor repeated, already rising to his feet and extending one hand in an attempt to stop his brother’s hasty retreat. </p>
<p>“Don’t,” Loki hissed, stumbling back a step in obvious alarm before he seemed to recover himself, and offered a hollow smile. “Do not pretend to speak for your friends, Thor.” </p>
<p>The excuse was a weak one, and Thor could not help but notice the way Loki’s features had begun to pale considerably, his shoulders held tense as his breaths began to rattle audibly within his thin chest. </p>
<p>“Lackey,” Val spoke, before Thor could formulate a proper response. “We don’t--” </p>
<p>“I don’t recall asking for your input.” Loki snarled, baring his teeth in a gesture so familiar Thor tensed in preparation to step in and break up a fight. </p>
<p>Instead, Loki only stumbled back another step, his face paling impossibly further as his gaze skittered uncertainly over the occupants of the table before he turned on one heel and, in an uncharacteristically clumsy and disjointed manner, hastened out of the hall at what was very nearly a sprint. </p>
<p>“Thor,” Val spoke first, standing from her seat as her gaze flickered between Thor and where Loki had just disappeared in concern. </p>
<p>“I know,” Thor returned immediately, rising from his own seat and offering a nod to both his companions before he followed quickly on Loki’s heels. </p>
<p>This, he determined firmly to himself, had to stop now.</p>
<p>For Loki’s sake, more than anything else. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>As quick as his own departure had been, it took nearly an hour for Thor to track Loki down, and his heart had begun to hammer in his throat, his palms slick with sweat, by the time he did. </p>
<p>After finding both their chambers and the bar empty, Thor had poked his head into almost every relatively empty space on the ship, instinctually avoiding the rooms he knew held large and open windows in an effort to cut down on the time it might take to find his wayward brother. </p>
<p>In the end, Thor found himself collapsing against a wall at the end of the ship opposite to the dining hall, his breaths leaving him in shallow pants and his heart constricting as he admitted to himself that he was no closer to finding Loki now than he had been at the beginning of his search. </p>
<p>Not that he would allow himself to be deterred, however, until he had scoured every inch of the ship, if need be. </p>
<p>The thought firmly in mind, Thor pushed himself off of the wall with a small growl, and resolved to continue searching for as long as it took--</p>
<p>Only for a brief rustle from behind the closed door to his right to draw him up short. </p>
<p>It was a door to a small storeroom, Thor knew. Almost a closet, stocked simply with some cleaning and healing supplies and hardly ever accessed. </p>
<p>Thor paused, then, straining to pick up on another sound and, when none was forthcoming after another few heartbeats, he wilted slightly and made to retreat. </p>
<p>
It was only as he reached the door to the hallway that another small noise came from the space, and this time just loudly enough for Thor to decipher it as a soft snuffling. </p>
<p>With a jolt, Thor hastened back to where he had been stood, hesitating only briefly before he knelt and pressed one hand to the cold metal, only then noting the unmistakable tingle of Loki’s seiðr beneath his palm, obviously keeping the door sealed firmly shut.</p>
<p>“Loki?” Thor called, then, softly and yet with enough force to have been heard from the other side of the door, at least. “Are you in there, brother?”</p>
<p>A long silence followed the inquiry, so long Thor nearly retreated, his stomach already sinking in disappointment, before the almost imperceptible sound of something (<em>someone</em>) shifting closer to the door stopped him. </p>
<p>“Brother?” Thor repeated, his pulse speeding up slightly as he drew closer, tucking his knees close to his chest so that he could press his entire right side to the metal. “Please, at least let me know that you’re alright.” </p>
<p>A beat passed, before another shuffle sounded from the other side of the door, almost as if something had settled against the opposite side of the metal. </p>
<p>“Thor?” a voice, almost inaudible, piped up, and Thor found himself nearly weeping at the sound of it. </p>
<p>“Yes!” Thor breathed, raising one hand to scrub at his face and finding, unsurprisingly, that it came away wet with relieved tears. “Yes, it’s me, brother. Will you--” he paused, dragging in a tremulous breath before continuing, “Will you come out?” </p>
<p>For a full minute there was no answer, and Thor felt his stomach twist slightly before he repeated, “Loki?” </p>
<p>“I’m here.” Loki responded, almost at once, though Thor could not help but pick up on the somewhat breathless edge to his tone. </p>
<p>“Good.” Thor replied, offering a small smile though he knew Loki could not see it. “That’s good, Loki. I--” </p>
<p>He hesitated, then, knowing full well that Loki had intentionally avoided answering his previous inquiry. </p>
<p>If he wished to continue to be left alone within the small space, Thor would, of course, respect it. </p>
<p>There was little harm, after all, in allowing his brother to recompose himself where few could perceive it. </p>
<p>(Not that Thor would have left the room, nor his brother’s side, for anything less than a second apocalypse, at this point). </p>
<p>“Loki,” Thor began, again, taking a large breath and willing his tone to remain even and low. “Would you open the door, brother? So that I might see for myself that you’re well?” </p>
<p>There was a beat, before another soft shifting came from the other side of the metal. </p>
<p>“Who--” Loki began, before the word tapered off into a series of harsh, painful sounding breaths that had Thor fighting the urge to stand and simply break the door down for himself, Loki’s magic be damned. </p>
<p>“Who says I’m well?” Loki inquired, at length. And while any other time Thor might have been fooled by the cutting dismissal, now he only frowned at how weak the words sounded, as if they had been forced out against the speaker’s better judgement. </p>
<p>So it was with a humorless huff that Thor replied, “Any other time you might be able to fool me, brother.” he leaned the side of his head against the door, then, suddenly certain that Loki was doing the same from his side. “But I know you.” </p>
<p>“Do you?” Loki cut in, the sharpness of the words belied by how audibly frightened his tone was. </p>
<p>“I do,” Thor replied, patiently. “At least well enough to know that you would rather be out here than alone in the dark, right now.” he sent a silent prayer up to the Norns, then, that the words might hold even a fragment of truth. </p>
<p>“And you are welcome, Loki.” Thor continued on little more than a whisper, when he received no reply, his heart hammering so loudly in his chest he hardly heard his own plea. “If you choose to stay I--I will not stop you. But know that I will be waiting here for you the minute you choose to come out.” </p>
<p>Thor hesitated, and took a moment to inhale another deep, steadying breath, before he spoke again. </p>
<p>“I’m right here for you, Loki.” </p>
<p>A long silence followed the words, so long Thor began to believe that he had misstepped, and he began to prepare himself for an evening spent on the floor outside the closet, before there was a soft shuffling from the other side of the door. </p>
<p>Before he could react, the door slid open, and Thor had hardly a moment to take in Loki’s pale and wrecked features, cheeks glistening with still streaming tears as he sat crouched at the corner of the small and dark space, before his attention was drawn by the one word his brother croaked. </p>
<p>“<em>Thor</em>.” </p>
<p>Immediately, Thor surged forward, scooping a pliant Loki into his arms and promptly beginning to rock the both of them gently on some long forgotten instinct, burying his face into the side of Loki’s flushed neck as he felt his brother’s arms wind tightly around his neck. </p>
<p>“Shh.” Thor crooned, raising one hand to tangle it into the dark curls at the back of Loki’s head when his brother released a muted wail. “Shh, Loki. It’s alright.” </p>
<p>“I’m--” Loki hiccuped, his breaths leaving him in short and painful sounding pants as he gripped tighter still at the back of Thor’s shirt and buried his face into Thor’s shoulder. “I’m--I’m--” </p>
<p>“<em>Breathe</em>.” Thor interrupted, running his free hand down Loki’s back in large and soothing circles. “You need to breathe, Loki.” </p>
<p>“I--” Loki choked, nearly gagging before he released another harsh sounding sob, his shoulders trembling beneath Thor’s hand with the effort. </p>
<p>
“Hush,” Thor murmured, the word soothing and yet undoubtedly a gentle command. “Breathe, Loki. With me.” </p>
<p>Keeping sure to only put as much distance between them as was strictly necessary (and not missing the way Loki burrowed himself hastily closer as he shifted), Thor’s touch left Loki’s back to reach back and grab one of Loki’s clammy and trembling hands, and he offered a small hum of encouragement as he raised it to press against his own chest. </p>
<p>“There,” he whispered, taking a large inhale past his own lingering panic and smiling encouragingly when Loki’s fingers immediately tightened in the fabric there. “Like me. Long breath out, now.</p>
<p>Loki followed the example, exhale trembling audibly as his grip tightened to the point of becoming almost painful.</p>
<p>(Not that Thor would have stopped him for anything, if it offered Loki even a sliver of comfort).  </p>
<p>Thor shushed him again, his fingers continuing to comb softly through Loki’s hair. </p>
<p>“And in.” he whispered, after a moment, inhaling slowly and willing Loki to do the same. </p>
<p>And Loki began to, nearly relaxing into Thor’s hold before the inhale caught on a painful sounding wheeze, and he tensed almost immediately beneath Thor’s hands as his breath began to spiral out of control, again. </p>
<p>“I--” he gasped, again, chest spasming as he fought for air. </p>
<p>“Shhh.” Thor repeated, raking his fingers continually through Loki’s hair and replacing his arm around his trembling shoulders, in order to pull him impossibly closer. “Loki--” </p>
<p>“Th--” Loki cut himself off with another choking inhale that ended on a harsh sob. “Thor--<em>Nn</em>--” </p>
<p>He thrashed weakly within Thor’s hold, then, as his legs kicked out behind him, his brow hot against Thor’s neck as he continued to choke and gag on the inhale.</p>
<p>“<em>Loki</em>,” Thor repeated, feeling as if his heart were breaking as he continued his seemingly worthless soothing. “Brother, please. Please breathe.” he closed his eye, then, burying his face in the curls at the crown of Loki’s head and inhaling unsteadily before adding, “For me, Loki. Please breathe.” </p>
<p>And miraculously, Loki did. </p>
<p>From beneath Thor, he inhaled sharply, as if breaking through something lodged in his lungs, and remained still a long moment before exhaling on a series of harsh coughs. </p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>, Loki!” Thor cheered, unable to stop himself from gathering his brother closer and placing a firm kiss to first the top of his head, then his forehead. “That’s it. Well, done. That’s good.” </p>
<p>They sat like that for an immeasurable amount of time, Thor rocking Loki gently again and continuing to rub at his back while his brother trembled weakly in his arms, his teeth chattering audibly as his breathing began to even into a semblance of normalcy, at last. </p>
<p>“I’m proud of you.” Thor whispered fiercely, at length, pressing another long kiss to Loki’s brow before burying his face back into his hair. “So, <em>so </em>proud. I love you.” </p>
<p>This time, Loki said nothing, his shoulders tensing only briefly before he melted back into Thor’s hold. </p>
<p>“I love you.” Thor repeated, continuing to run his hand soothingly up and down Loki’s now faintly trembling shoulders. “So much.” </p>
<p>When Loki snuffled softly, pressing his nose to the side of Thor’s neck as he shivered again, Thor tightened his hold briefly before leaning back to catch his brother’s clouded gaze. </p>
<p>“Ready to head back, brother?” Thor murmured, running his hand gently through Loki’s curls again, his stomach twisting at the way his brother leaned slightly into the touch. </p>
<p>There was a beat, and Loki glanced down briefly as if contemplating simply staying where they were for the evening (and, though Thor did not voice it, he would have been more than happy to do so), before he nodded mutely and pulled away to begin to stand on unsteady legs. </p>
<p>It was a testament to how worn he was when, as Thor leaned forward to help him to his feet, he did not offer even a look of objection. </p>
<p>When they were both stood, Loki’s gaze flickered to Thor, and he seemed to hesitate before opening his mouth, only to exhale a small croak before he clamped it shut tightly, his previously even breaths quickening slightly, again. </p>
<p>“It’s alright,” Thor was quick to reassure, reaching out to grasp gently at Loki’s elbow with one hand. “You don’t need to speak.” </p>
<p>Loki paused, again, before simply nodding and, when Thor did not make to move, glanced expectantly toward the door. </p>
<p>“Alright,” Thor agreed, releasing his hold on his brother’s arm reluctantly and nodding toward the door. “After you.” </p>
<p>Loki nodded, and turned to face the door with a small inhale before taking one step forward, only to promptly stumble, one hand reaching blindly out to catch himself on the doorframe. </p>
<p>Fighting the panic that threatened to overtake him, Thor stepped hastily forward so that he was at Loki’s side again, reaching out to retake his brother’s arm and rubbing his thumb soothingly along the muscle there when a brief flash of irritation marred Loki’s features. </p>
<p>“It’s alright.” Thor repeated, hesitating only briefly before he leaned forward to wrap one arm around Loki’s middle, shifting so that Loki’s own arm was draped over his shoulders. “How about like this?” </p>
<p>Loki flashed him a wry look, then, though he did not pull out of the hold, for which Thor was grateful. </p>
<p>“I promise,” Thor huffed a small laugh. “We’re not doing ‘get help’.” </p>
<p>Seemingly appeased, Loki straightened slightly and, seeming to notice that Thor was patiently awaiting his signal, nodded curtly before the two moved forward to begin walking in tandem.</p>
<p>And, if he leaned further into Thor’s side, his hold on his shoulder tightening ever so slightly as they continued their journey back to their chambers, Thor made certain to make no mention of it beyond the small, pleased smile gracing his own features. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>next chapter will be the last! obviously this story isn't the "resolve everything in one go" type. there are things that these two need to work and talk through, of course, but they've got time. </p>
<p>thank you so, so much to everyone who's read and taken the time to leave kudos and comments, so far! i appreciate you all tremendously xx</p>
<p>(also, author's note: my brain feels a bit like a garbage fire today, so i'm so sorry if this was unintelligible or riddled with mistakes!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. (+1) "And I, you."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Following Loki's breakdown, a bit of clinging panic follows him into sleep. This time, however, Thor is there, ready to comfort and reassure Loki that he's here, and won't be leaving anytime soon. </p><p>And, finally, Loki might be ready to believe it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is it!! the final chapter! (more of an epilogue, really). </p><p>a huge, <i>huge</i> thank you to everyone who has read and left kudos/comments on this story!! it's seriously been such a joy to write. thank you so much to everyone! xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When they made it back to their chambers, Thor stepped over Loki’s sleeping mat passively before leading the two of them to the far corner of the room and sitting Loki silently on the edge of his own mattress. </p><p>The room was (miraculously) still empty, aside from the two of them, and Thor made a mental note to thank the Valkyrie and Bruce for their forethought, at a later time. </p><p>In the dark of the room he could just make out Loki’s slight frown, and the way he glanced curiously at his own makeshift bed before returning his gaze to Thor. </p><p>“If it’s alright,” Thor whispered, keeping his voice low as he knelt to begin unbuckling one of Loki’s boots (something he had often done in their youth, when Loki was feeling poorly, though he had received a well aimed kicked to the face multiple times for his efforts). “I thought you might appreciate somewhere a bit more comfortable to sleep. Only--” Thor made a great show of hesitating visibly, glancing briefly away and biting at the inside of his cheek before adding, “I would feel better if you were closer, tonight.” </p><p>He knew, rationally, that Loki would see through the words with little effort. Thor had used such reverse psychology hundreds of times on him in the past, though he doubted that it had ever truly been effective, beyond when Loki did not possess the energy to argue. </p><p>(<em>“Please allow me to look after you, Loki.”</em> when Loki had been running a fever as a child, obviously wanting Thor’s company yet unwilling to ask for it. <em>“I would feel better if you did.”</em> </p><p>Or; <em>“I cannot sleep with all the noise, brother.”</em> when Loki had started visibly at a crack of thunder from outside the palace walls. <em>“Would you mind terribly staying here, tonight?”</em>)</p><p>And now, as Loki glanced again at his sleeping mat, obviously reluctant to move, yet frowning as if his pride might be at stake, if he did not.</p><p>Thor glanced innocently up at his brother, then, widening his remaining eye as the corners of his mouth turned down into a pleading frown. </p><p>“Please, Loki?” </p><p>Almost immediately, some of the tension drained out of Loki’s shoulders, and he huffed with an almost imperceptible roll of his eyes and, finally, a small nod. </p><p>Thor beamed, quickly removing Loki’s other boot before surging up to tussle his brother’s hair and press a long kiss to his forehead. </p><p>“Thank you, brother!” he cried, softly, removing his own boots and tossing them lazily into the corner (to which Loki raised one brow in a silent reprimand) before settling himself back onto the pillows behind. </p><p>Loki hesitated a beat, before he moved to spread out on the other end of the mattress, gingerly laying his head on one of the spare pillows and holding himself so rigidly Thor would have laughed outright, were it under any other circumstances. </p><p>Now, however, Thor only frowned slightly at the somewhat miserable pinch to Loki’s expression, before he reached forward to grip gently at his elbow. </p><p>“It’s alright, Loki.” he murmured, fighting the urge to draw his brother closer through brute strength alone and opting to simply rub his thumb gently along Loki’s arm. “You can rest, now.” </p><p>Loki eyed him warily for a long moment, eyes narrowed in contemplation, before he released a shuddering sigh and allowed his eyes to fall closed, finally (<em>finally</em>) curling a bit closer as Thor continued his ministrations. </p><p>“Sleep well, Loki.” Thor whispered, and allowed his own eye to fall shut. </p><p>He remained awake and aware, however, until he could feel Loki’s breaths begin to even out beside him. </p><p>And, even then, he did not remove his hand as he began to drift into a shallow sleep of his own.</p><p>---</p><p>It was an indeterminable amount of time later that Thor felt the mattress dip, something to his right shifting slightly before letting out a murmur. </p><p>With a jolt, Thor awoke, glancing briefly about the room as the events of the evening before came back to him in a rush. </p><p>Finding that the bedrolls across the room were still empty, Thor released a small sigh, before turning his attention to where the figure beside him was shifting, again. </p><p>Loki’s face was pinched into a sharp frown, his brow glistening obviously with sweat even in the dark, and he murmured something unintelligible with a small grimace. </p><p>Thor watched as his shoulders began to tremble, and noted the way his legs had become tangled in the sheets as he continued to toss restlessly. </p><p>As if on cue, Loki twisted again so that his back was to Thor, letting out a small cry of alarm as he began to kick out helplessly against an invisible assailant. </p><p>Thor felt his heart twist at the sight, though he did not make to move forward, just yet. </p><p>In the past, when Loki had been caught in the throes of a nightmare, another’s touch had often only made matters worse, Loki often mistaking the comfort for another attack from a foe only he could see. </p><p>And, though Thor contemplated with no small amount of grief that he had not had a hand in drawing Loki back from a nightmare since before his fall from the Bifrost, he could only assume that whatever foe he was facing now was much more formidable than those of his youth. </p><p>“Loki?” Thor whispered when Loki let out a pained sounding whimper, shuddering visibly when he spoke again. “Loki, it’s me. It’s Thor. You’re safe, Loki.” </p><p>Loki groaned, twisting back to face Thor and burrowing his face into the pillows below. </p><p>“You’re safe.” Thor repeated, though the words seemed to be doing little good. “You’re on the <em>Statesman </em>in your chambers. It’s alright, Loki.” </p><p>To Thor’s dismay, Loki only thrashed again, muttering a small, “<em>No</em>,” before letting out a harsh sob. </p><p>“Oh, Loki.” Thor murmured, no longer able to stop himself from reaching out to lay a hand on his brother’s shuddering shoulder, consequences be damned. “It’s <em>alright</em>. You’re alright.” </p><p>Almost immediately, Loki tensed beneath Thor’s touch, and Thor prepared himself for a swung fist or a burst of magic, only for Loki to let out a small wail before his eyes flew open, nearly knocking Thor back as he sat bolt upright, his chest heaving with the force of his sobs. </p><p>“Brother!” Thor cried, grasping at both of Loki’s shoulders tightly when his brother continued to glance wildly about the room, seemingly unsure of where he was. “It’s alright. You’re in bed and you’re <em>safe</em>, Loki. It’s only me.” </p><p>Loki started slightly at the sound of his voice, and continued to glance about warily before turning at last to meet Thor’s gaze. </p><p>“Thor.” his muttered, voice worn down to a gravelly whisper, and his jaw trembled almost imperceptibly before he clamped it shut with a small whimper. </p><p>“That’s right.” Thor replied, nodding encouragingly as he began to knead at the muscles of Loki’s still tense shoulders. “You’re alright, now, brother. It was only a dream.” </p><p>“It--” Loki began, before he cut himself off hastily with a sharp inhale, and fell forward to bury his face in his hands. </p><p>Thor felt his heart sink when, seconds later, Loki’s shoulders began to tremble visibly, again. </p><p>“Shh.” Thor soothed, running his hand gently over the space between Loki’s shoulder blades. “It’s over, now.” </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Loki grit out, not yet raising his head and instead seeming to curl further in on himself. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>“No,” Thor cut in, firmly, and took the opportunity to edge forward and wrap both arms around his brother’s hunched frame. “No, Loki. There’s no need.” </p><p>At the words, Loki released another rough sob, and held himself tense for another long moment before turning to burrow himself into Thor’s side, again. </p><p>“I’m <em>sorry</em>.” he croaked. </p><p>Thor sighed, softly, and shifted so he could lean his cheek against the top of Loki’s head. </p><p>“It’s alright,” he murmured, if only because he knew Loki may never quiet if he did not. “It’s no trouble.” </p><p>He raised one hand to cradle the back of Loki’s head, then, and moved to press a soft kiss to the curls just above it. </p><p>“I love you, Loki.” </p><p>Loki released an audibly shuddering breath, and paused briefly before raising one hand to grasp at Thor’s arm as he tugged himself closer. </p><p>“And I, you.” he whispered, the words so soft they could hardly be heard. </p><p>Thor did hear, however, and felt something warm and triumphant burst to life within his chest at the sound of them, a large grin breaking out onto his face as he cradled his brother impossibly closer. </p><p>Loki came willingly, tucking his face wearily into Thor’s shoulder and allowing them to simply exist silently, for now. </p><p>And though Thor knew that things between them were far from perfect, and that the morning would undoubtedly bring with it more problems than solutions, he released an easy sigh, feeling as if a shroud of something terrifyingly close to peace had settled over them, for the time being. </p><p>And, he considered as he turned to bury his face in Loki’s hair, his eye slipping shut as he inhaled deeply, for the time being, it was enough. </p><p>It would be enough. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this chapter/+1 was never really intended to be as long as the others, and serves more as a small epilogue to the last chapter than anything. regardless, i think it's a good place to wrap things up! </p><p>(again, obviously this isn't a "everything is resolved in a few days" type story. Loki's still working with some major issues, and Thor knows that. their relationship is still healing, but that's okay, because now they have each other, and they'll learn to communicate effectively together). </p><p>also again!! a <i>huge</i> thank you to everyone who's read and left some love for this story!! i've enjoyed this experience tremendously. xx lots of love to you all</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>obviously i'm a bit taken with the idea that Loki has not at all been told that he's loved enough in his lifetime. this is, in simple terms, a fix for that.</p><p>updates will be posted weekly on Sundays or Mondays, depending on availability. in the meantime, find me on my <a href="http://littlekinng.tumblr.com">tumblr!</a> where i'm always taking drabble requests etc. would love to chat! xx</p></blockquote></div></div>
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